bullying

NaeNae55 · February 2010

I just read an article on office and management bullying:

[url]http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8528422.stm[/url]

The author states that bullying is sometimes hard to define. What some call bullying, others call strong management style.

How would you define bullying?

Paul in Cannon Beach · February 2010

I think workplace bullying is when a person uses their power, position, or personality to intimidate or coerce others.

Some of the worst bullies I have seen have been female. Just sayin...

ACU Frank · February 2010

[quote=Paul in Cannon Beach;719123]
Some of the worst bullies I have seen have been female. Just sayin...[/quote]

Yeah, but didn't most of them go to The Forum That Shall Not Be Named?

Paul in Cannon Beach · February 2010

There is an interesting connection between bullies and insecurity. Bullies are, by nature, insecure. They are not confident that they can inspire others to perform through appropriate means and so they resort to their bullying tactics.

For HR people, the potential for a hostile environment claim or retaliation claim should be incentive to deal head on with bullies.

Nevada HR · February 2010

I saw a good definition for bullying...

"Behavior that involves repeated and persistent attempts by one or more person to torment, wear down, frustrate, or get a reaction from another. It is behavior that persistently provokes, pressures, frightens, intimidates..."

sonny · February 2010

and makes you feel uncomfortable

davids · February 2010

Bullying is usually defined to be a supervisor or manager because that person has power over others. And, although I have seen supervisors engage in bullying, in my 25 years in HR, most of the bullying I have dealt with has been coworker to coworker. It would be nice to see an article that recognizes that employee to employee bullying is a bigger problem.

Paul in Cannon Beach · February 2010

What kind of coworker to coworker bullying have you seen David?

NaeNae55 · February 2010

I have seen it more between co-workers myself. I remember working with a gal who blamed everyone else for her mistakes. If anyone spoke up she gave them this cold stare which usually shut them up. I remember her getting mad at me one day and I worried all day that I might go out to my car that night and find my tires slashed. She made the office very uncomfortable, and I was extremely relieved when she moved on.

davids · February 2010

The coworker to coworker bullying that I have seen involved employees who are easily angered when they feel they are being treated unfairly. The bully will get in another employee's face and make threats; sometimes veiled, sometimes more direct. The other employees feel thay have to walk on egg shells when the bully is present as they fear he will fly into a rage if they say something that offends him.

I know this sounds like behavior that can/should be dealt with quickly; but usually employees do not come forward immediately. Also, being in the public sector, we have due process and progressive discipline to work through; so it is a slow process to terminate a bully.

ACU Frank · February 2010

We have bullies who "talk" co-workers into letting them have the preferred lunch slots, etc. I also have one who managed over time to convince most of our employees that he had a designated parking space. I got involved when he threatened to have an employee fired if she didn't go out and move her car. But most of the bullying is what I call 'passive bullying', which is creating an environment in which you have less accountability because others are afraid to bring up any issues.

Nevada HR · February 2010

I have a co-worker that bullied several of us for a few years before I read an article on bullying and realized THAT was what was going on. She would suddenly and loudly make a scene over nothing, humiliate co-workers, blame everyone else, exclude some ees, gossip, lie to superiors about her co-workers, pass off her work to others, twist what others would say until they stopped telling her anything, then get them in trouble for not communicating, etc, etc, etc.

New management moved in and forced out the managers that promoted her behavior. I was made Human Resources Coordinator and she became such an O:)...on the outside....

I have a feeling it's not over yet.

Paul in Cannon Beach · February 2010

So what is the best advice to someone who works with a bully or has a bully in their employ?

NaeNae55 · February 2010

You tell us. No one seems to have any quick fix out there, and most refer back to management handling it. They are trying that in schools too, but it doesn't seem all that effective.

When I dealt with a bully I went back to my childhood advice which was to stand up to them. I wasn't confrontational, but I WAS assertive. When I managed to keep my emotions out of my eyes and my voice I was mostly successful. If there was a blowup, it came from her and if the boss got wind of it she was the one who looked bad. Still, it was very uncomfortable for quite some time.

After posting I found this article:

[url]http://www.bnet.com/2403-13059_23-242687.html[/url]

It still addresses it as a management problem though, and doesn't help individuals who are afraid to report or who just think it is wrong to tell on others.

Nevada HR · February 2010

Same here. I corrected a couple of her misstatements assertively and in front of others. It helped.

Paul in Cannon Beach · February 2010

That's my sense too. A direct, firm response. I think I heard someone say once that its good to confront aggressive (or passive aggressive comments) directly. You can say something like "What does that mean?" and make direct eye contact.

Let me ask this question. Is crying a form of bullying?

cnghr · February 2010

[quote=Paul in Cannon Beach;719156]

Let me ask this question. Is crying a form of bullying?[/quote]

I definitely think it can be. I've seen a number of situations where a manager (usually male, but not always) will avoid confronting an employee because they know she's going to turn on the tears and that makes them so uncomfortable. And of course the women know that, so they manage to control the situation by tearing up at the slightest thing.

One of the biggest workplace bullies I've ever know would go off on her co-workers all the time, but then run to her supervisor (and occasionally, to me) in tears, claiming to be the victim in the situation, in an attempt to discredit her co-workers in case one of them finally got fed up with the bullying and said anything.

Paul in Cannon Beach · February 2010

Do you think bullies are aware of their behavior? Do they walk away from these situations smiling at how they manipulated other people? Or are they clueless to their own methods and simply reacting?

NaeNae55 · February 2010

Both I imagine. Some people claim that the prime minister in the UK is a bully because he yells alot and is confrontational. HE says he is not, he is just emotional.

Some are aware and see it as an advantage to use over others.

I don't think crying is bullying. Bullying and crying can both be forms of manipulation (both can make you uncomfortable), but bullying deals with fear.

cnghr · February 2010

[quote=Paul in Cannon Beach;719159]Do you think bullies are aware of their behavior? Do they walk away from these situations smiling at how they manipulated other people? Or are they clueless to their own methods and simply reacting?[/quote]

In many cases I think yes, they are aware. I had one girl who tried to bully me at work some years back, and she would smirk and sneer at me every chance she got after she'd convinced her boss that I'd screwed something up that was actually her mistake. One time she even went to another co-worker and said "Boy, I really got her good, didn't I?!" Another girl I remember from many more years ago constantly crowed about it when she got her way by bullying our supervisor. Yet another person I knew used to brag about using their bullying tactics to get someone else fired.

I think some people don't realize that being manipulative in more passive ways can be a form of bullying, because that's just the way they've always dealt with everyone in their life, whether it was parents & siblings or a spouse or co-workers. You could probably argue that in their case they are just reacting, because they've never learned any other way to deal with people so it's pretty deeply ingrained. Seems like most of the workplace bullies I have know were, however, fully aware of what they were doing.

ACU Frank · February 2010

The first guy I ever fired (I was 18) broke my nose. When I was in college, I had to fire my girlfriend's brother. Two days after college graduation, when I showed up for my first 'real' job, I received instructions from the owner to start my day by firing the 50-year-old who held the job I was now taking.

Coaching meetings with criers... not a problem.

Paul in Cannon Beach · February 2010

Maybe you didn't say it right? Remember, there are no bad employees. Just bad approaches.

ACU Frank · February 2010

People who say there are no bad employees... are probably bad employees.

Just sayin'.

NaeNae55 · March 2010

I think it's true that you can turn a bad employee into a great employee with the right approach. It depends on how far you are willing to go to get there. I personally feel we should do our best to help employees improve their productivity and reach their goals, within reason. I am not willing to spend all my time on one single employee, nor am I willing to break any laws or disregard ethics. You help those who can be helped with a reasonable amount of time and effort, and replace the rest. Replacement here is rare, but it has been known to happen.

Just sayin'.

ACU Frank · March 2010

I will work with an employee as long as I need to if they are truly motivated to improve. If they aren't, they're stealing my time from other employees who could use it.

bethk · March 2010

I agree, if an employee really wants to do the job right and act right, I'll help, but some people are never happy and are just plain mean. I'll put up with that only for so long.

As for criers? Doesn't get to me as I know it can be a passive form of manipulation. At my last job, this one employee got away with so much that other employees couldn't. When I opened my bosses eyes to how they were being manipulated, it stopped right there.

bullying

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