Ackward topic?
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25 Posts
How do I confront, or do I?, a 50+ year old man that has an issue with touching, scratching and adjusting himself all day long. I notice it because I work closely with him but now I have his subordinates telling me that they are becoming uncomfortable. How on earth do you address this when it is an executive??
Comments
I find that a less formal approach in the discussion yields a better response. I try not to make it sound like a court case while also communicating that I'm not having any fun (or experiencing a power trip) in having the meeting.
"Jack, I'm not really sure how to say this and I've given it a lot of thought and there's just no good way to do it. I'm getting some complaints that you're adjusting youself a lot and in plain view of people and it's making some people uncomfortable."
The unnatural conversation will go in some natural way from there and I bet he stops adjusting himself in public.
I have an HR colleague who had a similar situation. A female employee complained that her boss, Senior Vice President, was making her uncomfortable and complained of sexual harassment. She was his admin asst. If I remember correctly, she said he commented once or twice on her clothing, but the bigger complaint was that he frequently adjusted himself and often when standing next to her desk so that area of his anatomy was at eye level. They conducted an investigation, talked to the woman and the accused SVP and then a couple of other female employees in the area. Apparently, other women in the department had noticed this behavior as well and it made them uncomfortable. The SVP claimed to be unaware that he was doing this and the women weren't sure it was sexual but thought it was inappropriate. Somewhat inconclusive but he did change his behavior.
I don't think there is an easy way to raise this issue. So long as it isn't a sexual harassment complaint that requires more formal interaction, I like TXHRGuy's approach.
This comes from a co-worker of mine. In her past she had this issue come up and so she called the gentleman into her office. She said lets just have a discussion. As they talked she placed Post-It notes down on the table in front of her. When the table was almost completely full he asked her what she was doing. She informed him that every time he adjusted or touched himself inappropriately she would put a Post-It down. Seeing all of those Post-Its in front of him really made an impact and this problem went away very quickly. I don't think he realized he was doing it, and apparently didn't realize other people were noticing!
[quote user="SubGrapHR"]I think TXHR, as he sincerely always does, has an excellent point with the informal conversation. I passed an assumption that the original post was made by a female in which, from shared experiences in the past, can be difficult for a female to speak in regards to this situation to a male and vice versa. When I have addressed men in the past, I too have geared my conversation to be along the lines of a non-chalant, buddy-type talk. However, when I address the females in the workplace, I tread cautiously to make sure my message is not misconstrued and prefer a formalized approach. Opinions vary--either way this is not easy.[/quote]
You raise a good point. To be honest, I've never had an "adjustment"-like conversation with a woman (I'm male) so I'm not sure what I would do there. I did write my response from a first person perspective. However, I've used an informal approach in cross-gender cases and I require a witness in either case (typicall the individual's direct supervisor). I try to convey a sense that I'm as uncomfortable as they are but we're all in this together and we just need to address this issue and move on. I cannot recall a time except one hygiene case that persisted beyond that initial contact. If you are a female HR practitioner (as the majority are), this may be a case where there are benefits to having a male supervisor do the talking and have HR stand as witness. I try to keep my practices as racial- and gender-neutral as possible, which I extend even to the extent of not considering the race or gender of my witness choice in a disciplinary meeting or coaching session. So far, so good, but I can understand why that may not work for some people or some businesses.
We had this same problem, and same dilemma, at my previous employer. While HR was deciding what to do about the situation with this department head, one of the employees left an ad for Desenex on the man's chair.
It wasn't subtle, but we didn't have to proceed because he stopped. I'm sure he wasn't aware of his actions until he saw the ad.