Are "helicopter parents" invading your office?

Celeste Blackburn SPHR

Just read an [URL="http://www.npr.org/2012/02/06/146464665/helicopter-parents-hover-in-the-workplace?ft=3&f=127088640&sc=nl&cc=bh-20120208"]NPR story [/URL]that cites a Michigan State University survey of 700 employers that found:

[LIST]
[*]Nearly one-third said parents had submitted resumes on their child's behalf, some without even informing the child.
[*]One-quarter reported hearing from parents urging the employer to hire their son or daughter for a position.
[*]Four percent of respondents reported that a parent actually showed up for the candidate's job interview.
[/LIST]

The article then goes on to describe how schools used to push back when helicopter parents got too involved but found that didn't work, so they started to "reach out proactively to parents." Similarly, some businesses are also starting to include parents in the hiring process[COLOR=#333333]. [/COLOR]The article mentions car rental company Enterprise, which will send parents the same recruitment packages it sends their children.

Have you experienced an invasion of helicopter parents? Stories?

Paul in Cannon Beach

We hire over 150 staff each year that are between 18-22 and so I am completely familiar with this concept. Just yesterday I gave a tour for two sisters (twins age 23) who were here with mom, grandma, and family friend to check out our organization.

After the tour, I asked the girls if they would like to continue the interview/conversation with just me or would they like to include their entourage.

Before they could answer, their mom said "They would like to meet with just you."

I have had younger applicants call me on the phone and I could clearly hear a mom coaching in the background. For some reasons, its usually the moms.

If a parent initiates an employment inquiry, I am usually OK with that. If they continue to communicate for their son or daughter, I will sometimes ask "Is there a reason why 'applicant' can't communicate with me directly?" That is usually sufficient to chase off the helicopters or at least change their flight pattern.

cnghr

I haven't had a lot of experience with helicopter parents of any of our employees, but I remember one of my friends telling me about how she was "getting a job" for her son, who was probably a senior in high school at the time. She picked up the application and filled it out, and I think she may have even gone to the interview with him (and probably answered all the questions on his behalf, also!) Then she kept calling the business until they finally hired him. She somehow managed to let him do the job himself, but then when he decided to quit that job she went through the whole thing again with another business.

She seemed surprised when he told her he was moving far away after he graduated from high school, and that he didn't expect or plan to ever live here again! I don't think she thought he could survive without her hovering and doing everything for him, and he couldn't wait to get away from the smothering.

ACU Frank

I haven't had any in several years, but I went through a stretch where I had one helicopter parent incident every few months for about two years. The youngest of the 'children' was 19-20, the oldest was 36.

Still Need Coffee

Of the three stats listed, I haven't experienced any of them (at least, to my knowledge!). I guess in theory a parent could be submitting the resume without the child's knowledge, but I don't necessarily know that.

I've heard more of this sort of thing at HR conferences over the past year or two, but haven't really heard of it being an actual problem anywhere.

Interestingly, what I [I]have[I] [/I][/I] experienced is at the opposite end of the career spectrum. I've had former employee's parents call me, asking for information on the termination. Anyone else?

cnghr

[quote=Still Need Coffee;723638]

Interestingly, what I [I]have[/I] experienced is at the opposite end of the career spectrum. I've had former employee's parents call me, asking for information on the termination. Anyone else?[/quote]

Yes, I've seen that. There was one mom who called to yell at anyone she could about her adult son's dismissal and ask for information about how and why anyone could possibly fire her darling child. After talking to his supervisors a little bit more, I found out this guy was a mama's boy of the first magnitude, so they weren't too surprised that she called.

I've had a few that did surprise me more than hearing from a parent: once or twice a spouse has called and try to get information, a couple of times I've had sisters call me about their sister being fired (one told us we'd "ruined her sister's life"), and a friend of a former employee called and tried to get information, and when I told her I couldn't discuss it with her, she went on for ten minutes about how it was unfair to have fired her friend because she was such a good person. Argh.

Sharon McKnight SPHR

Can't help but wonder how many helicopter parents are hovering over their adult child's job search because they're way past ready for junior to move on out of mom and dad's house.

Sharon

Dutch2

Only had this happen a couple of times here - both young ladies in their early 20's. However, both turned out to be good employees.
My young bride, Associate Dean at the local college, refers to them as Velcro parents - they are stuck to their kids. When kids are on campus with parents for tours, registration, scholarship days, whatever reason, there are always several that you simply cannot separate the parent from the student. They can ask a question directly to the student and the parent will answer for them.

Paul in Cannon Beach

The impression I get is that helicopter behavior seems to stem more from a need by the parent to control or the inability to give control to the child. My guess is that this is one of those feedback loop situations where the parent's need for control creates passive children thereby reinforcing the parent's assessment that their child needs their continued involvement.

cnghr

I think you hit that one right on the head, Paul. My own mother tried to be a helicopter parent to several of us. It was partly a control thing, partly being unable to see her children as anything but an extension of herself, and partly because she didn't identify herself as anything but a mother.

There was only one of us she found she could control that way, and she convinced my sister she couldn't do things without her help. My sister was quite shy, so she was perfectly happy not to have to deal with situations where she felt awkward. Then the feedback loop you mention began to occur, and my mom assumed my sister's passivity meant that she [U]couldn't[/U] do anything without mom's involvement.

Mom passed away ten years ago, but my sister still retains that passive persona. She is an intelligent woman, but she's never done anything with her life because all those years she was convinced she couldn't.