Non-Verbal Communication
Paul in Cannon Beach
4,703 Posts
I have long been fascinated by non-verbal communication. Recently I was in Powell's books in Portland and found a book called "What Every BODY Is Saying" written by a former FBI agent (ok, that's what sold me on it!).
It would seem a basic working knowledge of non-verbal communication would be useful in HR. Have any of you had formal training in this area?
Just a quick example. One of the classic (and generally understood) examples of body language is crossing the arms. It represents defensiveness. The person crossing their arms is literally protecting themself from whoever is speaking to them. Crossed arms can mean its time to back off or try a different approach.
It would seem a basic working knowledge of non-verbal communication would be useful in HR. Have any of you had formal training in this area?
Just a quick example. One of the classic (and generally understood) examples of body language is crossing the arms. It represents defensiveness. The person crossing their arms is literally protecting themself from whoever is speaking to them. Crossed arms can mean its time to back off or try a different approach.
Comments
Yes, its true that you have to be careful not to misread non-verbal cues. The experts advise to look for "groupings" which will confirm what the person's body language is saying.
One of my other favorites is the hand over the mouth during conversation. It has a very literal meaning of "stopping words from coming out of your mouth". It can mean the individual is trying to restrain themselves from talking.
We tend to understand many non-verbal cues instinctively. The mistake we generally make is placing too much emphasis on what people are saying and not paying enough attention to what they are communicating non-verbally. They may be verbalizing agreement while their body is expression hostility.
You did grow up in another state? One where AC is very important...
Really this goes back to a conversation I was having the other day where I got cold - so I crossed my arms. Then I became afraid I was sending out a bad message with my body language, so I uncrossed them and stayed cold. I shouldn't have to worry if I am just cold... Also, I have issues with hearing so I tend to watch a person's lips when we are talking and I don't make eye contact regularly.
The 'tells' are there but can often be attributed to something else. I know professional poker players make a living reading them...maybe that can be your next job Paul?
I've heard that not looking at the person you're talking to in the eye means your lying. I'm not buying that one. I mean, maybe there's a fly in the room that's distracting or the person you're talking to is eating with their mouth open and you don't want to see that. I once had a coworker that smacked his lips and half stuck out his tongue while talking. It was a bit comical (sort of like a dog eating peanut butter) until about the third conversation you had with him then it got to be very annoying. Not only did folks not want to look at him while he was talking; they didn't want to be in the same room with him.
Sharon
I've heard that not looking at the person you're talking to in the eye means your lying. I'm not buying that one.
Sharon
I agree with you, Sharon. I don't make a lot of direct eye contact with people, largely because I was very shy growing up so my eyes were usually looking down because when I did try to make eye contact, I got very embarrassed and flustered. I have to really conciously make a point of looking people in the eye when I'm talking to them.
I also cross my arms a lot to keep from fidgeting, the same reason I tend to stick my hands in my pockets when I'm standing up talking to someone. I move around a lot, whether I'm sitting down or standing in one place, and I find myself fiddling with stuff on my desk when I'm talking to people so short of sitting on my hands, crossing my arms keeps me from doing that. I'm fully engaged in the conversation, I'm just a fidgeter, but I don't want people to read that as lack of interest in what they're saying or lack of engagement in the conversation so I try to keep the fidgeting to a minimum.
Sharon
Are you talking about Tony and trying to throw us off track by saying it was a former co-worker??
If someone crosses their arms normally (due to fidgeting like cnghr or just because its comfortable like ksr6450) then you cant read that behavior as defensiveness and you have to look for other clues such as: creating shields (some people will actually move objects on their desk or sit in such a way as to have something blocking you).
Another fun one: Rubbing the back of the neck. This one is also fairly instinctive. If people start to rub the back of their neck when you talk to them you may need to re-think your approach. What they are communicating is that you are literally "a pain in the neck". You are causing them discomfort and that results in the rubbing.
ok, you budding body language experts, see if you can decipher Prince Charles body language as he greets an attractive female soldier.
ok, you budding body language experts, see if you can decipher Prince Charles body language as he greets an attractive female soldier.[/QUOTE]
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(no British flag available)
On a different topic, Paul, not everyone in Oregon lives on the coast. Some of us live in the Valley where it does get hot; and we do have air conditioning!
Non-verbal communication has come into fashion of late due to the "body language segment" on the popular Fox show "The O'Reilly Factor". O'Reilly and an expert on body language interpret clips from the news and attempt to peer into what celebrities and political types were "really saying".
I wouldnt base a hiring decision on non-verbal cues but I think there is value in learning how to read these signals. Supervisors often wonder why a subordinate appeared to be in agreement with them but then ultimately was not. The non-verbal clues may have been readily apparent.
The flip side of the defensive/protective arm crosser (not just cold) is the person who extends their arms out to full length. This cue indicates confidence (possibly arrogance). The individually is essentially staking out as much personal space as they physically can to communicate they are comfortable and confident.
It was someone at a former employer. I promise.
On a different topic, Paul, not everyone in Oregon lives on the coast. Some of us live in the Valley where it does get hot; and we do have air conditioning![/QUOTE]
We even have A/C in Portland Metro (Vancouver).
I'm sure being in HR you all have had your instinct for liars or off situations finely tuned. While I know you have lots of laws and procedures to follow, how often do you find yourself relying on/following/using that gut instinct in your job? (and does the extra practice at work spill over into your personal life? do you feel you have a better instinct for feeling people out now that you've spent a while in HR?)
He was a bit on the creepy side. His staff really didn't like him and after he'd been there a bout a month, they staged a mutiny and I spent the next month behind a lot of closed doors trying to calm people down. Early in his third month there, it came to our attention that he had lied about having a criminal record so ... termination.
See? Reading non-verbal communication could have spared you that bad hire.
[B]You required a criminal record? Awesome![/B]
OK, smarty-pantsless, you know what I meant, which is that, on his application, he failed to reveal that he had a criminal record.
O:)