Raytoot

ritaanz

Hey Ray?? Yohooooooooooo. Where are you. Why are you ignoring us?

There's no one picking on me. Sigh. Even Don is not as proficient as you can be. Beaglepuss is rather tame now; no bad twin to relate to. Groan.

Come on sweetie, lets hear from you. (Sob) (Sniffle)

Don D

I think he must have been on vacation or either some of his shenanigans wound him up in the Bronx Hoosegow. I think he's been missing for a couple of weeks. Ritaanz; I don't think you should have called him an sob in your last line, though. x:-)

ritaanz

Oh my x:o If that gets him to check in, so be it.

deniseE

Don, you're always stirring up some kind of mischief! x}>

Parabeaglex2

Ritaanz, please note the change in my screen name. Parabeagle is dead - long live X2!

I am the kinder, gentler version of Parabeagle. I will avoid all controversy, strive to remain as vanilla as possible and make a home on the fence.

But I am concerned about Ray - maybe his subscription lapsed? Ray! Let us know where you are! I'll send a check.

Dasher

"strive to remain as vanilla as possible"

What the heck does that mean?

Parabeaglex2

Bland. Flavorless. Mundane. Colorless. Without controversy. Avoiding conflict. Taking the middle road. Expressing all the character and flair of Dan Quayle on Thorazine.

ritaanz

X2 or X100, you will always be Beagpuss to me.

You can change your name, but I do not think I can perceive you as vanilla. If I had to give you a flavor, it would be more of a pistachio.

HRinNH

Another AWOL Forumite. It seems like we've had too many of them lately. x:-(

System

You see, Parabeagle would have argued about his black leather jacket. ParabeagleX2 will not debate. Unless Raymond chimes in here, I'll pick up that torch and keep it running. x0:)

ritaanz

You go girl!

Don D

How can we think 'Bland and flavorless' of a guy who instantly stirs up something about 'vanilla' and 'leather jackets' in one brief post?

A 'vanilla' parabeagle2x3 is like a kinder, gentler version of Algore. But, back to the sleuthing. This 'Where's Ray' thread has me trying to recall the last time he got stuff stirred up. I got a personal email from him saying he was disappearing; but, I didn't know that meant from The Forum too. Maybe it's a 'witness protection' thing.

Parabeaglex2

Wouldn't have anything to do with that mob figure who was rubbed out last week, would it? On the surveillance tape it looked an awful lot like Ray who was holding the slingshot, so maybe he's gone to ground or something.

HRinNH

>he's gone to ground

Is that akin to being put out to pasture?

Parabeaglex2

No, it's going underground - like Abbie Hoffman did in the '70s. I suspect by now Ray is living in a two-bedroom split-level in a development outside of Tucson, and his name is Gregory Happenschmidt from Poughkeepsie. He's probably selling insurance (personal lines only). Driving a Volvo. Going to PTA meetings. Surreptitiously playing his trombone in the basement. x:-) When the government needs him to testify, they'll go get him...

HRinFL

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 04-25-05 AT 04:03PM (CST)[/font][br][br]Maybe Whatever, or another NY Forumite, could go to the police station and file a missing person's report? x:-/

Don D

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 04-26-05 AT 05:53AM (CST)[/font][br][br]He's touring with Jane Fonda.

Whatever

I heard over the rumor mill that Ray is here in NY with a new name trying out for a job at Lincoln Center to pay the trombone for the Metropolitan Opera Company or at the jazz center.

lhill

Ray was last seen at a Dairy Queen in Texas playing the trombone for tips. He also does Elvis impersonations on the side, which fuels all the National Enquirer stories about Elvis still being alive.

ritaanz

This is getting serious folks. Twenty four hours and not a peep. Is it time to come up with a reward?

I know, I know, we can make it very lucrative by advertising, "Dead or Alive". At least the mystery would be solved.

HRinNH

He may have his e-mail forwarded to his underground hiding place. Folks could try to coax him out by flooding his inbox with invitations to play his trombone at their summer company outings. x0:)

ray a

Here’s my story. After watching one too many Star Trek shows, I found myself in an alternate universe. I was sent there by Q to play trombone duets with Jonathan Frakes who was known to break out his slush pump on the occasional Star Trek Next Generation show. Q likes the trombone, especially the bass trombone for it’s raucous sound. Speaking of which, do you realize the Angel Gabriel from the Bible actually plays the bass trombone not the trumpet? He does. But, that is another story. Anyway, back to my story. To get me to this alternate universe, Q had to put me in a strait jacket and wouldn’t you know it, it was a black leather strait jacket. And it had patches on it just like those cool ones those Air Force guys have on their black leather jackets. As further enticement, Q promised me I could add to my shoe collection anything from the Birkenstock line. But, I digress again. You wouldn’t believe the people I’ve seen here in, I’ll call it Universex2, Abbie Hoffman is one of the leading Republicans spearheading the efforts to prove global warming is nothing more than a myth and is the leading advocate for the death penalty for drug abusers. And the mob is considered to be one of the upstanding citizen groups with mob leaders venerated for all the civic goodness they achieve. And contrary to popular opinion they do not carry sling shots in their back pockets. Here in Universex2 Jane Fonda was a prominent gospel singer back about 40 years ago and a powerful spokesperson for escalating a war that was going on at the time. But, in her senior years, she has since had a few nips and tucks here and there and has renounced all the goodness that she did previously. She has now burned her bra as she approaches superannuation and most guys wish she hadn’t. Myself, I hated opera in your world and have found I still hate opera in Universex2. So, I found work at Avery Fisher Hall in NYC forsaking the lure of the NY Metropolitan Opera. Avery Fisher Hall tended toward booking ska bands and my trombone skills came in very handy. I have done a little touring including Texas but I refuse to associate with Elvis impersonators since they all sing opera. The fat lady has sung. Oh, and here in Universex2, calling someone an SOB is sincere form of flattery.

System

Geeze, Raymond! I want a prescription like the one you're taking!

Parabeaglex2

It's not drugs, Sam. It's the Birkenstocks - they're pinching his feet and cutting off the blood supply to his brain. He's having one of those oxygen-starved, hallucinogenic episodes. You can tell! He's actually thinking AF pilot's jackets are black instead of brown.

ritaanz

Holy Toledo, He's Baaaaaaaaaack! I guess it was the reward ad. Hee... Hee...

Hey, I wonder, is he dead or alive?

And, Beagpuss, the jacket is b-l-a-c-k, black ya hear?

Don D

HRinNH said to flood his inbox. How can a disabled inbox be flooded? His profile is dead too. Besides, I don't think that was Ray at all who posted that because the post made so much more sense than the real Ray ever made in his time here on earth. There was clarity, continuity of thought and a pattern of reality that the real Ray didn't achieve. I also know about Ray's extra toes, an affliction he shared with very few people, so, the imposter, not knowing that fact, would not know that Ray could not wear Birks because of the shame of having people point at his feet. I have a report today that Ray was enlisted to accompany a group of DOL officials sent South to investigate the I-9 process in the swine industry and that there is a meat hook with his name tag attached to it swinging in a cold storage locker. I knew he coveted the Southern experience; but, am surprised he would go to that length to have the experience.

ritaanz

An imposter you say. Is nothing sacred?

Don D

The real Ray has an attachment to things sacred. he would not have made a joke of Gabriel playing a trombone instead of a trumpet. But, Gabriel belonged to The Church Of Christ, in which there are no musical instruments allowed. Plus, Leviticus would have been interwoven through his remarks. I apologize for my distrust. Maybe HRinNH can assist me.

HRinNH

Maybe it would be a good exercise for you to search this one out for yourself. x0:)

ray a

The archangel Gabriel plays the bass trombone. Here's the proof. There are many references in the Bible to trumpets - and in some cases, loud trumpets and in at least one reference a loud trumpet is associated with the archangel which is Gabriel. The German word (the language of Martin Luther) for trombone is posaune which literally means "big trumpet". In order for a loud trumpet to be heard across the 4 corners of the earth, it would have to be very loud and very big. And the bass trombone (posaune - big trumpet) can produce the most decibels of all brass instruments. Guess you have to be a brassy musician to really appreciate the joke.

Don D

Not to question your source Raymond, but, there is no way a sound could be heard across the earth. Secondly, the earth does not have corners. It's pretty well established that it's sort of spherical in shape.