Really Corny Friday Chuckles
Don D
9,834 Posts
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?
--------------------------------------------------A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
--------------------------------------------------"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
--------------------------------------------------
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all," "Me neither doc," said the husband.
"But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
---------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but
you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man
and wife."
--------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies,
"Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
_________________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the
other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. Butit sure made a hole in Juan."
__________________________________________________
The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water.
And then you dump the stock.
_______________________________________________________________________
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets
the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could
start by buying me a drink."
__________________________________________________
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
__________________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say?" asked the nurse. "OOPS!"
_______________________________________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
I had evenconsidered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
__________________________________________________
Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa" He replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say
"asshole" afterwards.
--------------------------------------------------A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
--------------------------------------------------"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
--------------------------------------------------
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all," "Me neither doc," said the husband.
"But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
---------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but
you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man
and wife."
--------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies,
"Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
_________________________________________________
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the
other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. Butit sure made a hole in Juan."
__________________________________________________
The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water.
And then you dump the stock.
_______________________________________________________________________
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets
the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could
start by buying me a drink."
__________________________________________________
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
__________________________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say?" asked the nurse. "OOPS!"
_______________________________________________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
I had evenconsidered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
__________________________________________________
Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa" He replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say
"asshole" afterwards.
Comments
A honeymoon couple was in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night. They were preparing to consummate their wedding and the new husband takes off his pants and hands them to his new bride. He asks her to put them on and she states that she can’t wear his pants. He says to do it anyway and she puts the trousers on, pulls them up to her waist and her husband says let go of them. Of courts the pants fall to the ground and she say I told you I can’t wear these and he says damn right and don’t you forget that, I wear the pants in this family. She says ok and disappears into the bathroom to change her cloths. Upon her return she throws her panties to her new husband and says to put them on. He says they won’t fit but she insists and he attempts to but them on but can’t get them over his knees and then says I can’t get into these and she says damn right and you won’t unless you change your attitude!
I'm sending you a big kiss x:* for the laugh...its been CRAZY around here.
Lisa
Thanks Don.. Have a great weekend!