Panhandling Parents and Snotty Teachers

HRGirl

I need to vent!!!

My daughter started school on the 27th of August. The very first day, she came home with a Christmas fundraiser due tomorrow!!!! What is up with that, couldn't they have waited maybe a few weeks.

I know that in another month, they will have another fundraiser for some stupid crap that people only buy to be nice. I am so tired of being a panhandling parent, I can barely stand myself.

Now Snotty Teachers are another burr under my saddle! My mother has taught in the public school system for 50 years (and no retirement in sight for her)and my father in law is a retired biology teacher (from the school district that my daughter attends) and my mother in law is a reading specialist, I know a few things about the curriculum and what is expected of my child. Why is it that I get the teacher that thinks she needs to talk down to me? Who does she think she is? Does she think she is superior to me? I think NOT! I have bitten my tongue damn near clear off. When she asked me "Should I call you at home or do you work?" in that look down your nose tone made me boil with RAGE! I think she thought that since I stay with my daughter until she goes into the school and not just dump her at the curb and screech away, I must not work. That I can start my work day at 9:30 instead of earlier must mean I don't work. What she should have asked me was what time do you work until (5:30 thanks to the school changing the start time now...that another burr that I won't get into)?

Okay....I'm done now. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

Janet

I feel your pain about the fundraisers. Last year, my kids' school, in its infinite wisdom, initiated a candy bar sale THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN!!! #-o
Needless to say, selling chocolate candy bars wasn't so easy right then.

rad

I was often guilted into buying candy, wrapping paper, raffles, and girl scout cookies by co-workers. I finally stopped because my friends' children are now in school. If I bought everything I'd be fat and broke! When I was a teacher, we did not do fund raisers and it was the best thing, no pressure on parents or children.

As for the talking down part, not acceptable. I taught for an anti-poverty program and I treated every parent with the kindness and respect they deserved. We encouraged parents to work so they could got out of the poverty cycle and if they could not attend a field trip, so be it. Many parents did not speak English and they were embaressed to come into the classroom and would barely speak to me, even with a translater. But when they spoke to other parents who did speak English they found out that I didn't care what language they spoke, every parent was welcome to spend the day with their child. And since I had a few children who didn't speak English it worked out for everyone. It did wonders for their self esteem and the children loved hearing a story in Spanish from a native speaker instead of from me, just reading the words with a really bad accent and not knowing what they mean.

ray a

Now an opposing point of view. Am I allowed to speak for teachers on an HR forum?

I was a teacher for 2 years fresh out of college many, many years ago. I taught general music classes, instrumental lessons and directed the choirs in middle and high school. Dealing with a large group of teens everyday was very taxing. But, that doesn't excuse bad behavior from a teacher toward a parent. My biggest gripe was parents who told their kids they didn't care what kind of a grade they received in music just please do better in math, history, etc. Well, the kids would announce this in my class and of course I lost them for the quarter - and half the other kids said, "yeah, me too." Hey, after I quit teaching, my gray hair went away for another 4 years.

lorrie

Boy can I ever relate to your feelings on fundraising!

My daughters are in high school and every student in cheerleading, dance, gymnastics, etc. has to raise a certain amount of money to pay for uniforms, accessories, camps, etc..

I try to encourage each group to do the kind of things where the children can go to one location and sell, rather than doing the door-to-door stuff where you always have to hit up family and friends. Car washes do well, and the kids have fun. Also yard sales, and setting up a table at the mall or grocery store where they can sell candy bars, Krispy Kreme donuts, etc.. They are all a lot of work, but I prefer these kind over the door-to-door stuff. Sometimes a group will say that each child has to donate a certain amount of money, and then the group organizes fundraising so you can decide if you just want to pay the money or participate in whatever fundraising options they have. Sometimes its easier to just write a check for $25, but when it gets higher (sometimes over $100) then I tell my kids they have to raise at least a certain amount, or pay it themselves. This encourages them to participate in the fundraisers without me having to prod them. I realize this does not work as well when they are in elementary, but some of these ideas might work for you.

Last year one group had the kids sell candles (great candles, but $20 each, and the girls got about $5 of that!) My daughter could not understand why I did not want to help her out by buying several candles. I explained it to her, now she understands.

Also, at the elementary level, a school carnival or other similar event is a nice fundraising option instead of selling 'stuff.' They are a lot of work, but everyone has fun.

As for the teachers: I have had all kinds, but in general I find that they mean well, even if they are not great at relating to the parents. Try to be patient with her, and tell her specifically what you need from her, and how and when she should contact you. Try not to take offense, realize that she deals with all kinds of strange poeple, and she does not yet know if you are one of them or not!

Good Luck, and have a great school year!

Leslie

Pop Warner is the worst. For three years I'd go from selling candy, to selling tshirts, to selling candles, to selling whatever in the short span of four months - and one year the financial manager runs off with the money. On top of that, the school has a fundraiser at the same time. My relatives were pulling the blinds when they would see me coming.

mjindra

I have a couple view points, because I've been President of the PTA and have spent lots of time with those teachers you talk about. I wouldn't have taken that comment in a bad way, if that's the way she said it. Maybe she was just surprised that you were there so late in the morning, unlike parents who don't have such a flexible schedule at work. These teachers see tons of parents coming and going and was probably trying to quickly find out what your schedule was.

As far as fundraising, I am also an Avon rep and we do fundraisers for schools. The reason this is catching on (not just Avon, but other companies that sell "everyday items") is because people are sick of buying a $5.00 bag of chocolate covered nuts or a $7.00 roll of wrapping paper. Go to the school and let them know that you're not going to do it. Demand that they find something more practical, there are other options. These PTAs and school functions get into the same routine every year and never question their choices after a couple years. Tell them to choose something where the prices AREN'T jacked sky high.

You want to talk about frustration in the schools, then we'll talk about my taxes going up over 15% in one year, even though the liason officers have been removed from the schools, BUT the Superintendent has been given a huge raise. . . Oh, don't get me started . . .

Don D

All have great and valid points. My wife is teaching in her 29th year and my mother retired from it after 27. I just wrote a letter to the editor about college bookstore prices. I said the next time the college calls me and asks me to donate to some fund of this or that I am going to tell the caller I am spending my money this year at the bookstore. The school selling thing is totally out of hand. Who needs the grocery store to give a penny of each receipt to the computer fund for the middle school? What a scheme! I tell the parents I work with that I will sign up for a box of cookies if 'Janie' will walk the halls and tell me what her product is, how much it costs and what the money goes toward. Otherwise, don't expect me to put my name on a list on the breakroom wall. The poor kids walking door to door are in a terrible bind. They don't understand what the hell they are doing (who does?), they're afraid of the mission, they are not comfortable and arguably they see rare results. Why do schools need to sell candy to buy crepe paper for bulletin boards or new paint for the gym in the first place? I'm also discouraged by the kids who sit in front of the grocery store in the shade with a set of Moms and a bucket asking for donations to this or that. Wash cars or vaccuum them out in the same parking lot for twenty-five cents, or rake leaves, anything to give something for something gotten. the last lemonade stand I passed with a little girl and boy working it, I turned around and went back and gave them ten bucks for a half full cup of luke warm somewhat bitter 'lemonade' and I felt great about it. I also agree that the teacher probably did not mean to sound condescending. Young teachers sometimes have to learn what condescention sounds like so they can reform the impression they give. Old ones can't change. I'll tell you what falls in the "don't get me started" column....the kids who one year were trotting around hot asphalt streets selling raffle tickets for $3 so the homeroom mothers could buy the principal and assistant principal NEW HIGH-BACK, PADDED, RECLINING OFFICE CHAIRS!!!

ray a

Now you're making me feel guilty for always buying that candy bar when the kids come around. I do feel sorry, especially for the younger kids, so I always buy a candy bar from them. The bigger more expensive stuff, I will pass on. I do get irritated when parents bring in stuff to work to sell for their kids.

Mentel

As far as fund-raisers go, both of my kids went to a private grade school and we did have fund-raisers. We got it down to two per year. One is a magazine subscription fund-raiser where we actually got 40% of the take and the prices of the magazines were really good. The other is called Market Day. This is a monthly food ordering program. Again, we got 40% of the take and the prices were reasonable for very high quality (restaurant quality) food. Get rid of the candy bars and frozen pizzas.

HRGirl

I LOVE MARKET DAY!!! My daughters school did it the first year she was there. They stopped doing it because they said they didn't have enough participation. Every time I was there, I saw a crap load of parents coming and going carrying the white boxes with the apples on them.

I don't ever remember my mother doing fundraisers, in fact I don't think she does them to this day. I guess what really digs in my crawl is that they say the money is for a sign for the school...been a year still no sign...or its for field trips...been a year...my kid didn't go on one field trip last year. I join the PTA every year and help where and when I can. I just don't like not seeing anything being done with the money that I panhandle for. The funniest thing is part of the money last year was raised for grounds keeping at the school...The President of the PTA cut the grass (saw him every time he did it), planted the flowers, etc. Did I just sell 300 bucks worth of hoagies for him to cut the grass?? I know the flowers were donated by Home Depot so they didn't pay for that!

As for Teachers, I guess I am use to seeing my mother deal with parents. She always treated them with the respect they deserved even if they didn't. Don't get me wrong, I know that teachers have a hard job these days, and I would NEVER trade with them (although 3 months off in the summer sounds awesome). I know they try to do their best. I guess since I've quit smoking, I'm a little edgy.

Hunter1

I know I'm getting old, but one of the things that bothers me is the car washes I've seen lately. My wife and I went by one last Saturday, cheerleaders or some such group, and they had girls at the side of the street with signs, and washing the cars, and I said to my wife: "What are they selling, car washes or sex?" All in bikinis and nothing too much to the imagination. Who's monitoring these things?

Don D

HR Girl; This is sorta off the subject but you brought it up. About that 3 months off that teachers get. This year my wife finished up the school year on June 9, had to stay and work on projects another 4 days, bringing it up to June 13, the next Monday, June 16 she reported 30 minutes earlier each day for 21 straight days of something called 'teacher enrichment and curriculum paradigms', which now brought the date up to July 15. They did get released at noon on July 4th. Teachers reported back to school on August 7th. Counting the half day off on the 4th of July, she got all of 17.5 days off, not counting weekends. Oh, I forgot; she had to travel down to the community college 23 miles away for a Saturday seminar which was unpaid but she did get 13 cents per mile for mileage. Let's see...18 days off minus a half day worked on July 4 minus the Saturday equals 3 months, new math. Sixteen and one half days off by my count.........and they make every bit of 35K with 30 years experience and a masters degree. They can't keep applications in stock! Ha!

Zanne

I hate panhandling also! Our church youth group sold cookie dough (a huge favorite here in the Midwest) starting the week before school. My son's grade school started selling magazines, stupid Christmas gifts (Some that need to be on David Letterman) and candy the week school started. Usually by now, his gifted class has something to sell - but this year they passed out a two page list of "Want List" with "Parent, the following is a list of suggested items for you to donate to the Gifted Program." Hello, aren't my taxes enough of a donation?

Our PTO president has made changes in our fundraising and we can actually see the improvements in the school. My son has to sell the items to family and limited friends AND he has to tell them what the funds will be used for. (This year it's grass for the soccer field and blinds for the auditorium.)

Speaking of snotty teachers, I think that sometimes they are overwhelmed with all the kids and at least that many parents to contact. A divorced friend of mine was miffed when the teacher didn't email him about parent-teacher conference dates nor did she copy everything to send home so that he could have a copy. I explained to him that we parents need to COMMUNICATE with the teachers so that they know where we are coming from and we know where they are coming from. He communicated his desires for better communication and guess what? The teacher started helping out with copies and emails to him.

The one snotty teacher that I have had to deal with is my son's gifted teacher. I believe that she thinks my son does not have a "gifted parent" as I ask a lot of questions to clarify assignments. Being in HR - I NEVER ASSUME anything!