More good excuses
PAhr
165 Posts
Getting Off Work
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told
me to clean all the guns today.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I
can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an
hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum
loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit
the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly
e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the
snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who
fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that
deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how
about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you?
No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to
work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw
restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to
her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace.
One day should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is
completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter
transportation.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.
I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax.
I insist on paying my fair share.
I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You want I could come in.
I can't come in because the deadline is Monday and so far I only have seven
different fun things to do with a barrel of snot.
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told
me to clean all the guns today.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I
can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an
hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum
loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit
the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly
e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the
snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who
fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that
deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how
about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you?
No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to
work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw
restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to
her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace.
One day should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is
completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter
transportation.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.
I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax.
I insist on paying my fair share.
I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You want I could come in.
I can't come in because the deadline is Monday and so far I only have seven
different fun things to do with a barrel of snot.
Comments
Days missed or tardy
1/17 - absent: strep throat
1/20, 1/21 absent: doc's note - tonsils taken out
1/27 - absent: doc's note - "illness"
2/11 - absent - food poisoning
2/13 - absent - went to court for car accident
2/21 - absent - had lice
2/25 - absent - asthma problems
3/13 - absent - doc's note - sinusitis
4/7 - absent - hospital receipt (for what? no services mentioned)
4/21 - absent - mom called in for her (employee is NOT a minor!)
4/22 - late: tires were slashed
5/15 - absent: doc's note - pink eye
5/20 - absent: went to court
6/12 - late: went to court
6/9, 6/10 - absent: mom called in for her. employee was date raped and employee had to go to psychiatrist (now, by itself, this one is pretty sad. But.. based on her history, would YOU believe it?)
6/16 - absent: cousin called in for employee - employee's sister-in-law's aunt died, employee had to be with sister-in-law. Cousin did offer to cover employee's shift, however. (Cousin is not an employee)
6/17 - (today) absent: mom called in for her
I would hate to have this girls life.
I spend quite a bit of time training our supervisors on the importance of handing issues as they occur, not waiting until they are ready to explode. Obviously more training is required.