Can HR Directors have friends at work?
Caroliso
352 Posts
Ugh. I find myself in a tricky position, not for the first time.
I socialize with 3 or 4 people at work, by which i mean we get together (individually, not as a group) for dinner, lunch or a movie and wind up talking about work and non-work. Not a lot, maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We don't talk about HR confidential matters, I'm careful to draw the line there, although they are usually frank about what's going on in their work life. These are senior people, closer to or at my level in the company.
I find myself in the position of knowing about a personnel action about to hit someone I've socialized with, and actually having counseled her manager, in my HR capacity, on the appropriate next steps.
The EE has approached me for guidance about a meeting she is about to have with the supervisor, and part of me wants to tip her off to the content of this serious meeting, but as an HR director I should not. I know this will come back to bite me ("why didn't you tell me?)", and I'm wondering how others handle this. The last time I felt this uncomfortable was when I knew of the pending layoff of someone I'd call a casual work friend. She and I have not spoken since.
How do others handle this? Is it best to go by the rule "No Friends at Work?"
I socialize with 3 or 4 people at work, by which i mean we get together (individually, not as a group) for dinner, lunch or a movie and wind up talking about work and non-work. Not a lot, maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We don't talk about HR confidential matters, I'm careful to draw the line there, although they are usually frank about what's going on in their work life. These are senior people, closer to or at my level in the company.
I find myself in the position of knowing about a personnel action about to hit someone I've socialized with, and actually having counseled her manager, in my HR capacity, on the appropriate next steps.
The EE has approached me for guidance about a meeting she is about to have with the supervisor, and part of me wants to tip her off to the content of this serious meeting, but as an HR director I should not. I know this will come back to bite me ("why didn't you tell me?)", and I'm wondering how others handle this. The last time I felt this uncomfortable was when I knew of the pending layoff of someone I'd call a casual work friend. She and I have not spoken since.
How do others handle this? Is it best to go by the rule "No Friends at Work?"
Comments
Nevertheless, I owe my professional allegiance to my employer, which includes holding back confidential information from a personal friend whom I know will be deeply affected by it. It may occasionally cast a temporary chill on a relationship, but so far no lasting damage has been done. I look at it this way: If someone doesn't understand my constraints and professional ethics in this particular regard, maybe she's not such a great friend after all. Those are the kind of work "friends" that you cannot afford to have.
This is sooo very simple. Not necessarily easy, but simple. Treating "a friend" the SAME as you treat any other employee is the path to follow. "Alerting" someone is not only unethical, but may be viewed as subversive to your employer and you'd be entitled to whatever discipline they chose to impose on you.
You can have it both ways if your "friends" understand your "no work talk" philosophy. Don't permit them to drag into an area that you should avoid.
Our world is only for very special people, all look at us to say "I can do that", but few do and survive!
PORK
When a friendship or relationship (in our out of work) creates a conflict for you in carrying out your duties to your employer, then you have to evaluate which is more important to you. Make your decision and move-on.
At the end of the day, if you cannot understand or live with the decision then you are probably in the wrong line of work and should bow-out gracefully.
Good luck.
Gene
>
>"Alerting" someone is not only unethical, but
>may be viewed as subversive to your employer and
>you'd be entitled to whatever discipline they
>chose to impose on you.
I should have been more clear, my post was not precisely worded on the matter of revealing confidential info. I do not, and I would not. My dilemma had more to do with wondering how people managed the aftermath, and I've seen some intereting and useful responses so far. On both sides!
That said, I have to say that the "casual" work friend you had was obviously not very mature professionally. Ten years ago I worked in a small regional office for a large corporation. Almost everyone in our office was a manager or director, and we travelled together frequently. I became close with another female - to the extent that we often went out together on weekends with our husbands (who also got along well.)
We laid her off, and I planned her severance and outplacement benefits with the Reg. VP weeks before we sat with her to break the news. Though I did have some concerns about how she would feel about our friendship, I did not give her a "heads up" while at work or while meeting socially.
A few hours after our termination meeting, she called me at work. She asked, "How will this affect our friendship?" I replied, "For me, there is no change. Our friendship is completely separate from our jobs." Ten years later, she and her husband are still our best friends, close enough that we call each other "family."
I was lucky that she she was professional, and knew me well enough to recognize that my failure to alert her was not personal - it was my job.
I have peers(other managers)but I find it hard to be anything more than just being friendly at work because I cannot figure out how to separate the political game playing stuff that goes on in the workplace from the person. I find some of the related behavior distasteful.
That being said there is one other person I do work with that I have spent time with her and her family outside of work and it seems to be working out well. I have no idea how that relationship would change if something HR related were to happen to her...I think this is just a sticky issue that really has no black or white answer!
My HR Assistant hosted a party at her home where a terminated employee who was somewhat bitter was attending. They had all liked this particular individual personally, but her position was eliminated and she felt it was due to circumstances other than what she was told. She was offered another position and refused it. Her duties were combined into another, higher level position and a more qualified individual was promoted into this position. This was apparently a point of conversation between a few of the employees in attendance at the party when they went out into the yard. The upshot was that she filed a complaint with the Human Affairs Commission which went no where, but caused a lot of work and dollars spent on attorneys' fees.
If I had thought for one moment that my assistant was the one who divulged the information, I would have terminated her on the spot even though I like her personally very much. She understands my expectations for the department and what the consequences are if she steps over the line. She has to choose her friends at work and her conversations with them very carefully.
My assistant was very upset about this situation but she learned a very valuable lesson about becoming too friendly with employees outside of work and what it can lead to.
It's great when someone you terminate understands why, but as someone else said, they will target the messenger more likely than not. People in Human Resources who depend upon the workplace to foster friendships will more than likely find it doesn't work too well in the long run.
I'd also have to establish boundaries, I think. It's the same for casual friends who leave the company and become close friends, and i actually do have a handful of those, having worked here for 10+ years. I would not want to reveal something confidential and rely on the person to keep it to themselves. If people are anything like me, they forget where they heard a piece of juicy information, and could repeat something confidential without intending to break my confidence.
This was very tricky when we had layoffs a few years ago. I had a couple of former colleagues who were extremely interested in the ins and outs of the process, the decision, and the aftermath, and i just was not willing to discuss it, which was a bit awkward but necessary for me.
But, we all do what works for us, and I was glad to have the chance to think this through a bit.
If you are friends with subordinates, the following happens: 1) Peers and superiors are paranoid that you are revealing management secrets; 2)Peers and superiors are jealous and fear you may have the inside tract on information not privy to them; 3) Peers and supervisors fear that their staff may be telling on them or telling their business that they want to remain within the department walls; 4)Subordinates feel that you are giving preferential treatment to someone other than them; 5)Subordinates feel they are 'protected' from all harm especially their supervisors; 6)Subordinates feel they are empowered by close association with you; and 7)If you are close friends with subordinates, everybody looks at you sideways.
shlshsm