Employee Abused by Husband
J9JC
91 Posts
Yesterday one of my employees called in sick, and then came in after hours to say she was beat up by her husband and is going to leave him. He is in jail for now, not sure when he will make bail. My question is this, since I did not speak with her, what can I ask her to make sure I ensure the safety of the other employees? This man has a history of breaking rules, has been arrested for rape, and has guns also. I am very concerned he will show up at the office and be violent. Can I ask her if she is filing for a restraining order? Should I talk with local police about what to do in the event he shows up? What should I do to ensure her safety and the others here? Any advice would be great!
Comments
Then, I would go ahead and call the police department and ask to speak to an officer. Explain the situation and ask for advice. (If you are a small town this can also put them on notice of where the wife works, if they didn't already know. Might not help in a larger town.) Just my first thoughts.
If this wack job concerns you enough, you may want to hire a private uniformed and armed security guard for a week or so after he makes bail.
Good luck and be safe. These violent types are very unpredictable.
Gene
He is military, so they may also charge him or jail him but I will be calling to see what support they offer. She said she is leaving him, and I am worried that he will come by here and try to do somthing. We have no security guard, and lucky me sits right in front with an all glass office so I would be one of the first to see him coming.
I would also not be surprised if she forgives him the whole episode and stays.
How do I inform the other employees if we decide to lock the back door at all times, since he could easliy sneak in that door. We usually have it open for air and such?
The safety of your employees is paramount, though, and if this becomes a problem you may be forced to either place the abused employee on a leave of absence or terminate her employment in order to protect your other employees. In our state, if an employer must take that drastic action, the affected employee is entitled to unemployment compensation.
The fact that he is military puts an interesting spin on things. Military members who are convicted of domestic violence are prohibited from occupying positions requiring the use of weapons. If he is convicted, your abused employees should make sure his commanding officer is informed.
I have a one-word suggestion for you: Kevlar.
Beagle is 100% right on the weapons/military/domestic abuse deal. It is called the Lautenberg (sp?) Act. The military tracks this very carefully. Call his CO, you might be suprised at the cooperation you get from him/her.
Gene
Please explain how you can terminate an employee due to someone else being a danger? I understand that you want to protect everyone. What is your legal stance? This abused person could now suffer a second time...physical abuse and now loses job due to this abuser! After this happens once at a company, why would any employee come forward to "warn" the company of potential safey/danger, then lose their job??? Once an employee stops coming forward, that places the company in more danger than ever! I know, it's a catch 22.....We could all argue a number of merits, but I would like to understand your justification/approach to termination? Just looking for my education...Thanks!
It is a responsible thing to do - trying to make sure everyone else is not the recipient of the abused EEs continueing misfortune.
Also, termination can serve a few other purposes, even if not intended. Someone who might be afraid to take a stand and face all of the changes required might suddenly feel 'free' (without a job) to move to another city, or seek a shelter. The unemployment can provide a little support in this case. I'm not saying we need to make the termination call for this reason, but its there nonetheless.
It takes a lot of guts to tell someone this has happened to you and by saying "well, I'm sorry about your situation but we have to terminate you"
People that are currently going through an abusive relationship know it's wrong, but are afraid to trust or tell anyone. This WILL only push her back into the relationship as she doesn't fell that she is getting any support.
I'm sure she is still staying at home with him right now. She needs to contact a shelter to get support and put a game plan together for her and her children's safety. If she is terminated, how do you think THAT will go over with an abusive husband.
I would really like to be updated on this situation. I hope she makes the right decision. I would be willing to speak with her since I have been there.
Shelley
I am watching my 19-year-old go through this now. While dating in high school, this boy once brought her home with a broken nose and 2 black eyes. (Just in time for senior pictures.) She swears to this day that he did not do it, but I still firmly believe he either did, or had it done. In any case, they now live together with their 8-month-old daughter. I have not seen any physical signs of abuse lately, but I see the emotional trauma regularly. (And not because she tells me. As I'm sure you know, she puts on a front that life is fine. However, she is very close to my 16-year-old (her sister) who has been very open with me.) I do hear her talk about feeling a responsibility to her job, etc. Maybe I'm just thinking that if she lost her job she might move back home (to me) or be motivated to make some other positive changes.
I wish your daughter and their child the best of luck. I hope that if she is in a situation that she gains the strength to say "NO MORE!" and does the right thing.
My family (which still lives in Ohio) , friends, coworkers, etc. never knew about my situation until the day that I left. And one of the things that I am thankful for is that they never once said, why did you put up with it for so long?, why didn't you tell me?, etc.
At the point of someone leaving, OUR personal feelings in regards to how WE would have reacted mean nothing. The only thing that counts is a smile, hug, let us cry and be sincere when the statement is said "if there is anything I can do for you just let me know".
I wish your daughter and anyone else that is currently dealing with this type of situation the strength to say no and do what's best for yourself and your children. There is hope...
Stay Safe!
Shelley
The legislators recognized that often the ER is put in a predicament such as the one you describe. Not having legal "standing" for the restraining orders, but nonetheless needed them to help with the safety of other EEs, customers, etc.
Edit: Check with your attorney or police department to see if CA has this law. I would be surprised if they did not.
I disagree with TN HR One word Glock not Kelvar. x;-)
First off do you and others know what he looks like, and can you get a picture? This is important.
Second has he been to the office before, and does he know where her office /desk is? If you are this concerned, you need to give thought to moving her for now, away from regular work area, away from there, but close to an escape route.
LarryC the committee is a good idea, I unfortunately have been the only one on the committee at times, no fun, some safety in numbers.
He is seen heading towards the doors, call 911.......
Remember folks, a restraining order is just a piece of paper...... it does not stop crazy abusive people, and if she is not staying at home, work is the only place he may be able to track her down.
How is your parking set up? Another vunerable area.......
I think this post is long enough.......
My $0.02 worth,
THe Balloonman
As far as security goes, personally, I would arm myself - I don't know what your policy may be concerning concealed carry in your workplace. I like the idea of a temporary hired guard. Good luck.
zen
She does not feel he will be violent, but she did say he threatened to "ruin her financially and to make sure she never saw her son (3 months old)again". Well I didn't want to come right out and burst her bubble but she obviously has some blinders on when it comes to him and what he is and is not capable of.
My big concern is, my husband was miltary and he believes JERKO will not be allowed to work until he is cleared or convicted of the charges. I can just see him sitting around mad that he has no access to her, the child, and no job and drinking and coming here. I agree that since he cannot "get" to her anywhere else, work will be where he comes. Since he has already shown blatant disregard for authority or rules, no restraining order will stop him.
He has been here, some know what he looks like, not all. She sits in a big "common" room, with a lot of other employees and moving her would mean putting her up here with me in the front area. That is a mostly glass area. I am thinking the back door will need to remain locked, and we will have to discuss some strategy for when he shows up here.
Thanks so much! Keep the advice coming! I have a very bad feeling on this one.
Hiring a temporary guard is not a bad idea, though expensive.
We have had similar situations. When it happens, we make sure a picture of the person about which we are worried, is posted at the front desk. The receptionist and all her fill-ins are advised of the concern.
If the individual comes in the door. The receptionist makes an "all call" on the overhead pager asking "Fred" to come to the front desk. When that happens, any staff in the building who are not otherwise involved with a client, will gather in the front desk area.
With this guy, that might be just offering targets, but the few times we had called for Fred, the situations have been controlled. Your local PD might have some good advice.
My advice on a personal side is to do some research in your area regarding domestic violence. Even though I am in Florida this website helped me out a lot. [url]http://www.casa-stpete.org/index.htm[/url]
Have a good day!
I admire the courage and fortitude you called up to deal with your situation.
I admire your courage to leave! I want to help her, but realize I should not "butt" in that much and don't want to cross that line at work. She and I have had some pretty candid conversations when he was arrested for rape, and she decided to stay. I expect she will have the same kind of converstions with me this time. I never prompt them, she does and often says she needs someone she can talk to since most of their friends are his co-workers. I did offer names for attourneys I know in this area and she did call me at home for them. I am hoping this will go the right way for her personally and that we can ensure the safety of the others here. I'll keep you posted!
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot."
Charlie Chaplin
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot."
Charlie Chaplin
Charles Bronson's way was effective too.