Very uncomfortable situation
lavalier
3 Posts
We have a new VP in our division who has a very disturbing habit. It seems to increase when he's nervous. He tucks/swipes/plucks at his pants. To be more specific, he repeatedly tucks his already tucked shirt into his pants, pulls up on his belt, does a "swipe" across his gential area touching himself and plucks on the backseat of his pants.
One of the other female managers and I have talked about this to each other and although it seemed funny to us at first, we find it uncomfortable to be in the same room with him.
I don't think it's intentional - but who knows. Maybe he has an anxiety disorder or he's OCD.
I could really use some advice on this. I'm not sure if I should talk to him or maybe go to my boss the VP of HR. I would like to nip this in the bud before an official complaint is made to me.
Thank you!!
One of the other female managers and I have talked about this to each other and although it seemed funny to us at first, we find it uncomfortable to be in the same room with him.
I don't think it's intentional - but who knows. Maybe he has an anxiety disorder or he's OCD.
I could really use some advice on this. I'm not sure if I should talk to him or maybe go to my boss the VP of HR. I would like to nip this in the bud before an official complaint is made to me.
Thank you!!
Comments
Somebody (preferably a man and preferably his superior or equal) should mention to him that they notice him doing it a lot and it doesn't look professional. You owe him that much, okaaaay?
James Sokolowski
HRhero.com
A new employee trying to learn a job, the people, and the general corporate culture may be under a good deal of stress. Your new VP may ease off on mannerisms after stress levels decrease. Otherwise, somebody who is his friend should take him aside and tell him.
Good luck.
It's from my years as a stay at home mom. My son was 10 years old and we were watching Kirby Puckett step up to the plate in the World Series. Kirby made the sign of the cross before he took his stance and Mike turns to me and asks "What's he doing, Mom?" I of course explained the significance of the sign of the cross. The 1st pitch was a strike. On the next pitch they showed the third base coach giving the signals to Kirby. About the third time the coach pulled his ear and touched his nose Mike turned to me and said "He must be really religious!" xpray
If no one is close enough to speak to this guy as a friend, let it go. There's enough crap going on in the world to be offended by. Tell the complaining employee(s) this issue simply does not rise to the level that formal action would be taken.
This is what so many advocate doing with every aspect of our society, including the workplace and all of it's behaviors. You counsel the lime green to look more saddle-brown. You admonish the fireman's red to get back in line and mimmick the sandstone.
Contrary to popular notion, America is not a 'melting pot'. America is a lively, colorful, fresh, garden salad. Nor can you melt down the American workplace to the point where it is a bland, mediocre venue of sameness of action and thought.
While the lady tugs at her strap, the gentleman retucks his shirt and plucks at the rear of his pants, while another young lady incessantly stretches and pushes her breasts forward, while the other guy continues his annoying cough, while the old man sits there with his mouth open almost at a drool while the older lady constantly scratches the underside of her left thigh nervously. The ensemble taken individually is irritating; but, as a whole, is a smorgasbord. Appreciate it, celebrate. Do not melt it down.
The same should be true, by the way, of The Employers Forum. :-?
Ahh, yes, the dreaded Indian Red and Flesh. And there may have been others. But now we have mauve and goldenrod and fuschia (that I can't spell). End result is that they all melt down to the same exact color no matter whether your box is a starter set of 6 or the Christmas Blowout Box of 50.
This is referred to in the scientific community as Californiarization or 'The California Dynamic'.
Somebody on this thread pointed out that if he's becoming the brunt of jokes in the office, he should be told about his ticks. Maybe the people making the jokes should look at themselves and determine if they are perfect and have no mannerisms that others are wondering about. Should the "jokers" be talked to because they are gossiping, harassing, wasting time?
Even the person who seems to have it together is occasionally going to have a slipping bra strap, a wedgie or an itch. x:)
Move on to something important.
It goes without saying that none of us are perfect. If people wonder about a mannerism of mine, I say let 'em wonder. I might even do it more to give these jokers something to gossip about in all their spare time.
Oops. Gotta' go fix my shoulder pad. It slipped where it don't belong.
I agree, move on.
It is totally off the wall to reason that because this may or might someday translate to someone demanding that they are offended, you must act now to save the world. Invoking the name of Hillary Clinton surely doesn't help the debate. And, yes, the original post does mention tucking in an already tucked in shirt and plucking at the seat of his trousers.
This behavior, taken as a whole routine, is obviously an annoying habit, perhaps unsightly, maybe unpleasant, probably invoking laughter and snorting. However, it ain't gonna be upheld as sexual harassment unless you have a dunce investigating it. The man is not exactly grunting, hunching over and grinning while grabbing at himself when he sees a female, I assume.
We do not have an obligation to advise people that WE THINK their oddities MAY affect their credibility. Sure, someone may do it as a benevolent gesture of some sort, but there is no employer's obligation here. It very probably IS a symptom of OCD.
Don, I'm with you (again).
nail biting - grosses me out
teeth sucking - grosses me out
snorting noises - grosses me out
nail grooming - grosses me out
loud throat-clearing coughing - grosses me out
fingers digging in ears- grosses me out
I see and hear these things every day at work. And, yes, I've seen this behavior from executives while they gave a presentation in front of a group. What can I do? The fact that this person's nervous habits are centered around his crotch is unfortunate but imagine if the poor guy didn't have an outlet for his nervous energy.
Some habits are funny, some strange and some down right gross, but it's what makes us all different and keeps things interesting.
I worked with this one guy who always scratched is round belly when he was trying to answer a complicated computer question. It made me laugh on the inside b/c it kind of reminded me of Santa.
Then there was this other guy who ferociously scratched is piece-y, scraggaly beard, when he mumbled, er... talked rather. It was distracting to try to have a conversation with him, and most of all it grossed people out.
And to top them all off, we had this one lady, who was an excellent phone rep who had a "picking" problem. She constantly picked at her face until it scabbed. It was extremely gross. But it was part of who she was and there is nothing that can be done about it.
Me, myself; I'm a nail biter. Have been since a wee little kid. I completely and unconsciously do it, so I wear acrylic nails to keep myself from doing it and to keep my hands from looking all stubby and gross.
I'll take people with odd, strange, weird, or different habits any day of the week over someone who is just difficult to deal with.
I hope your situation with the pants plucker is resolved soon, however that resolution may come.