She Kisses Everyone!!

HireFire01 · August 2003

We have a kissing bandit on our hands! Every morning she does her rounds, giving all the guys in the office big kisses and hugs. Sometimes she even takes running leaps and jumps into their arms!

As the HR manager I have spoken with her several times about this, and asked if she really felt it was appropriate. She always throws my own training back in my face, and asks me if anyone has complained that these actions are “unwanted”. At this point, none of the guys have come to me complaining. Nothing against her personally, she is a fun-loving, free-spirit. I’m just becoming a little paranoid and wanted to know if you think I should do something more about this type of behavior. Her manager, which is the top boss here, does not seem to mind at all.

-RJS

System · August 2003

I think that regardless whether anyone has complained or not, it is not appropriate office behavior. Someone not complaining is not a valid indicator of whether everyone is comfortable with it. One or more of the kissing receivers may be too timid to speak up. I would tell her to stop it immediately.

Oh, and I just had to add this: x:*

HS · August 2003

If you have a policy prohibiting this type of behavior, it's time to enforce it. If you don't, put one in place as soon as possible. No good can come of this in time. I can see it now, there is one who she doesn't "hug and kiss" either at all or long enough and their jealousy will fuel a sexual harrassment law suit. There is no room in a professional work environment for this type of behavior. You see it, you know it's going on, I'd stop it now before it gets worse, because it will.

Because this just seems to be 'her way', maybe you can just have a sit down with her to discuss how this type of behavior is not appropriate and even though noone has complained, doesn't mean it's acceptable.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Balloonman · August 2003

Is she a hottie? LOL, Just kidding folks! Hey the fact is it makes YOU uncomfortable, so that is all it takes to make this something you can prohibit. Next time she throws your training back in your face point out that fact, put in writting it must stop.
My $0.02 worth.
DJ The Balloonman

Don D · August 2003

This type of behavior is covered by our sexual harassment policy. Inappropriate touching or sexually suggestive behavior. I am doing 6 one hour ethics pieces today and have another in 5 minutes. The first half is sexual harassment. We cover this particular behavior in our powerpoint presentation and one example is the flighty little cutesy thing who comes in greeting everybody this way. My suggestion to you is that perhaps no one has verbally objected, but they do not have to. YOU are an employee also and if you are uncomfortable with it, it should be stopped. Even though people haven't verbally objected, it should cease immediately. "The company knew or should have known" comes to mind. Shhhh; do I hear a clock ticking? Methinks it is a countdown of some sort of timebomb at your company.

System · August 2003

There are other ways to show that you like a coworker, like a smile or a hello, and this chick has gone way over the line. She needs to stop this immediately and if I were you, I would document all of your discussions with her. It is inappropriate and just plain silly. We had a receptionist who used to give the guys neck rubs in the break room and employees who don't understand the difference between comedy and vulgarity. You aren't alone!

HireFire01 · August 2003

Did I mention that she also attacks the Fed-Ex and UPS drivers! The other week at a non-company sponsored softball game, she purposely kissed one of the managers on lips, and then turned to me and said, "what are you going to do, we're not on company time". She obviously knows, I have a great dislike for her behavior.

I have documented everything I've said to her....thanks for your comments. I'll try to tighten the noose and see what happens. She is a handful, I'll keep you posted!!!

-RJS

Balloonman · August 2003

Hey RJS watch where you put your hands!!!! x}>
x:D
My $0.02 worth.
DJ The Balloonman

Pork · August 2003

HireFire01: Goooood Morning, you started this day, a casual at the office, with another thought provoking situation.

While I don't kiss everyone I do go around the office greeting everyone, and wishing everyone to have a Blessed day. If she is treating everone the same and the organization employees (the affected unit) are not complaining you can put your worries aside. Obviously, she is addressing her strong (touchy-feelly) conduct with just senior male leaders, a group in which she depends on their support, because she is so very sweet! As the HR I would: make sure she knows you are not interested in her display of effection! I would then seek out her boss for consultation and the building of a plan which will get her to modity her approach to the leaders, then you get out of the issue and plan; this is manager problem for the behavior change of the EE's behaviors or suffer the end consequence.

Hope this helps!

PORK

MrCreosote · August 2003

You write that she throws your training back in your face by saying that nobody has complained that her actions are "unwanted." Seems like she needs more training since she didn't understand it the first time. She could parade around naked and nobody might complain. That doesn't mean it's okay. She could set up a bar in the corner and serve drinks and it's not okay just because nobody complains. There are a million things that somebody might do that are inappropriate even though they might not draw a complaint.

Whatever · August 2003

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 08-22-03 AT 10:29AM (CST)[/font][p]Her behavior is inappropriate and unprofessional. Furthermore, I personally feel that I should be a little more prudish and sensitive than the rest of the work force so that if something is budding, it can be nipped quickly. Furthermore, it appears that she is challenging your authority. Finally, (time to get a little vicious), if you threw her training back at her, based on her behavior, what would she say she had been trained for.

Whirlwind · August 2003

You need to at least eighty-six the flying leaps before you wind up with Workers Comp injuries.

HRQ · August 2003

No kidding. She must not weigh much, or the injuries would've started by now. x:D

Hunter1 · August 2003

Boy, everyone is serious this morning! I thought by now someone would make a job offer.

Balloonman · August 2003

I was gonna ask for a picture of her, but last time I got hammered just cause I asked Don for the pic of his daughter.
Notice HireFire never answered my question if she was a hottie? x:o
Cause there are two standards............you can be she ain't real ugly or there would have been compaints by now.
My $0.02 worth.
DJ The Balloonman

Crout · August 2003

Ah, the good old days when women could just walk around and do this sort of thing....sigh.....I have warm fuzzies. Um, yeah, you should tell her to stop.

Zanne · August 2003

I would think that you have female employees, who don't kiss anyone, who may feel that she gets preferential treatment over them.

Headline: "Qualified Masters Level Employee Does Not Receive Raise While Kissing Bandit Gets Bonus"

Not a suit I'd like to defend.

I agree with all that it needs to stop - unfortunately it's an employee of a top boss.

Good luck.

XXXOOOOOO

Zanne

scottorr · August 2003

I agree with most of the other posts. This is not appropriate behavior and I wanted to add one more comment. Men being the masculine creatures that we are may not be comfortable with this behavior but will not complain because we don't want to look like whimps. Sorry guys I had to put it out there. I have dealt with this situation before and the kisser didn't pay attention until a written warning came.

HRQ · August 2003

I would personally be offended whether it's from being on the "receiving end" of this type of behavior or having to watch it happen to others, AND I would not be happy about her refusal to follow my direction to STOP leaping in to peoples arms, let alone kissing them.

I don't mind the occasional hug (I'm not a hugger) but draw the line at smooches and leaping into ones arms. At least from employees, anyway! My kids are a different story.

I'd write her up for inappropriate behavior and explain to her that if I reasonably believe someone's behavior is offensive, I must take action, even if nobody has complained. Preventing uncomfortable situations is my job.

Paul in Cannon Beach · August 2003

I know for certain that if any woman in my office hugged or kissed me, they would have to deal with my wife.

Something is out of whack here. Its one of those annoying things HR gets to deal with.

Paul in Cannon Beach

System · August 2003

Paul: In addition to The Forum, I've also gotten hooked on Fox news. Fox spends 70% of its network time in 'foreign' countries, many Eastern and Middle Eastern. I'm noticing more and more on televised news, the custom when two men meet of leaning forward toward each other and doing what appears to be kissing each other on first one cheek, then proceeding over to the other cheek. Is this a religious custom or something merely geographical; and how might it fit into the context of this question about greeting people with a peck on the cheek at the workplace? I have learned the cultural expectation of not sitting with crossed legs so another can see the soles of your shoes, but don't know if I can get accustomed to the idea of kissing men when I greet them. Accept of course for my 23 year old son whom I kissed last night when he came over.

scottorr · August 2003

Great thought Don, I never thought of it from that perspective. In many European countries people greet each other by kissing. Regardless, if anyone at all is uncomfortable, we should address it. I know my spouse would not like it, and just knowing that, would make me uncomfortable.

HRQ · August 2003

I'm pretty sure that the cheek-kissing does not also involve leaping into each others' arms.

I wouldn't want to participate in European-style cheek kissing either, and fortunately haven't been put in that position. If it were an issue at my particular workplace, I'd build "appropriate greeting practices" into my sexual harassment training. We have a very diverse team and somehow this hasn't come up. Or it's happening and I don't know it. Hmmm. Gives me something to ponder. x:*

Crout · August 2003

My wife frequently goes to Central and South America on business, and they get uncomfortable if you DON'T greet with a kiss on the cheek, even when a man greets another man, which I must say wasn’t exactly Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) in my old neighborhood growing up.

Don D · August 2003

Right Crout! It wasn't SOP in the neighborhood, and, chances are, had you attempted to start the practice we might not be reading your posts today.

Rockie · August 2003

Another thing to think about. You can bet your bottom dollar that if one of the men that she greets so heartily gets a little carried away at the perceived (or unperceived) signals that she is sending out, SHE will be the first one to scream sexual harrassment. I'd put a sock in this kind of behavior that she is exhibiting.

When I first came to work at our medical practice, we had some people who were just too "touchy feeley" (giving neck rubs, backrubs, etc.). It wasn't that they were doing something really "wrong" it was just unprofessional and did not look good to other employees as well as patients.

Leslie · August 2003

hirefire, you are uncomfortable. I'll bet others are also, but as scott said, it wouldn't be macho to complain about someone hugging and kissing - especially when none of the other "guys" are complaining. Bet if just one would speak up, you'd have a chorus of agreement.

One more talk with her - yeah someone is offended - me.

System · August 2003

Young, studly guy walks into work every day and smooches some of his fellow co-workers as a way of greeting. How long before the first complaint? Right after the resounding slap the guy recieves as a response from the first female who does take offense. Let her know that you would'nt allow a male to conduct himself in such a way and you're darn sure not going to let her do it.

mbeam · August 2003

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 08-27-03 AT 11:27PM (CST)[/font][p]Would advise going back to senior management and pick a less liked or attractive (assuming as some of the other posts have that she must be moderately attractive or popular or the complaints would already be happening) and insert the less liked/attractive person's name in her place. How would they handle it if that person started acting in the same fashion?

Also, when someone new starts, are they advised of this? This type of behavior is not professional and would advise her that continued disregard for the policies in place will result in actions leading up to and including her termination....

Also, how would she like it if her signficant other or spouse (if she has one) had someone like her at work....would she like to walk in on someone rushing into their arms and giving them a big 'ole smooch?

Don D · August 2003

Hirefire: Update us! Is the hot young thing still wetting her lips each morning?

HireFire01 · August 2003

I've really grown to enjoy your postings Don! Thanks for checking in on this one.

No new updates on hotlips lucy, still chasing and hugging anybody that walks by....In summary, she's pretty much untouchable. Over the years I've learned what battles to fight, and what battles to watch blow up in the faces of the leaders that make the situation untouchable. I will continue to document..document...document..then...wait....wait...wait..for...Kaboom! :-S
-RJS

She Kisses Everyone!!

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