Buddy, can you spare some humor?


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  • I like these (from the Freeman Institute):


    --"I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:" I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
    --"I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:" I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
    --"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.
    --"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
    --"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes.
    --"I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED:" I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
    --"I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:" I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
    --"I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
    --"I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:" As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
    --"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer.
    --"MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:" You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
    --"I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot.
    --"I AM ON THE GO:" I'm never at my desk.


    Unusual Interviews

    Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

    A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

    Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

    Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

    Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office.

    Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

    Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

    Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.

    Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

    Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

    Candidate brought large dog to interview.

    Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.

    Candidate dozed off during interview.

    The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates.

    "What is it that you people do at this company?"

    "What is the company motto?"

    "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

    "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

    "Why do you want references?"

    "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

    "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

    "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"

    "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

    "Does your health insurance cover pets?"

    "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

    "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"
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