answering machine messages

"Greetings. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone please hang up."

"Hello. You have reached the Presidential Chat Line, for one on one hot talk with our hamburger eating, pot smoking, hand dropping, jogging hillbilly leader please hve your parent's credit card ready. Remember, you must be under 21 or under."

"Thank you for calling 911. Our offices are closed because everyone is at the doughnut shop. We discussed the situation before we left, and we believe you are old enough to be responsible while we are away. Be careful with matches and do not play with knives and things should be okay until we get back. Hang up the phone now."

"You have just reached the amazing Ronfold Telephonic telephone automatic answering machine. Not only does it record your messages, but it chops, grades, slices, dices, splices twice as fast as any machine. Isn't that amazing? If you act now for a limited time only you too can become the proud owner of this fantastic machine. Register at the beep."

"Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail system. If you're trying to reach Heaven, please press one, for YHWH press two, for Muhammad press three. If you're trying to reach _________ you're going about it all wrong so we certainly can't help you. If you'd like to leave a message, wait for the beep."

"We interrupt this phone call with the following news bulliten: As you may well know scientists for decades now have been sending radio signals of various forms out into the far reaches of our universe and beyond in hopes of making contact with alien life forms. Well contact is about to be made. One can only imagine what these scientists are feeling at this time after years of frustration. Oh yes, its coming through now...."Hello Earthings. Sorry, we cannot come to the phone right now. We are at an Elvis concert on Nebula 9. Please leave a message." "


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