Church Typos

Real Church Typos.... [make it a synagogue or a mosque, who cares!]

Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.
Thursday night-potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julie Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting at the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk please come early.
Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Thursday at 5 PM will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to became Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.
The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours."



  • 3 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • That reminds me of a cute supposedly true story I heard a while back.

    During a 4th grade sunday school class, the teacher asked the class "What is brown, collects nuts, and has a fuzzy tail."

    One boy raised his hand and replied, "Well it sounds like a squirrel but the answer is probably Jesus."

    Everybody have a great Friday!

    - Paul
  • Reminds me when I taught vacation Bible school (I know it's hard to believe!) and we were doing a Bible quiz with four years olds. Who was the first man? Who was the first woman? Who parted the Red Sea? Etc.

    When I asked, "Who got swallowed by a whale?", this little girl sitting in the back got so excited and jumped out of her chair shouting "Pinnocchio!" So much for the Bible quiz!

    Margaret Morford
  • Thank you! I have read most of these before, but they never fail to crack me up. I'm sitting at my desk laughing so hard, someone heard me and thought I was crying. And with the tears rolling down my cheeks, they thought I'd finally lost it!

    I needed this today!

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