SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL
Leslie
1,729 Posts
This came from a highschool classmate of mine. I believe she lives in Texas...
SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to the local radio station with truck gate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Captain Morgan/Crown.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "D@mmit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "D@mmit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.
Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football!!
SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America.
Cheerleaders:
NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.
SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to the local radio station with truck gate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Captain Morgan/Crown.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "D@mmit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "D@mmit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.
Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football!!
Comments
>NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
>SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
Ok, time to step down and take a deep breath...
Maybe I can write off most of the North-bashing in your post as enthusiastic pride in your "team", but to insinuate that those of us in the right side of North aren't patriotic...well it's just too far flung.
FYI, I always stand for the National Anthem, even shed tears and make a brave attempt to sing in harmony (though not at all good at it).
Maybe you are referring to those in other areas of the North where it's too cold most of the year to even think about grilling outdoors. /:)
I laughed my first game at the Colliseum (Tennessee Titans) when the anouncers said this was the loudest stadium in the NFL, blah, blah, blah. It was a joke. The Vet had a jail in the lower concourse if that gives you an idea.....
DISCLAIMER: The opinions in this post could be mine, could be someone else's, but none of it is intended to offend. 8-|
Peace!
Cheryl C.
A couple of corrections:
- Yankees don't put lime in beer (unless they picked up "Santa Fe Style" a few years ago).
- The stands may be less than half full at start, but most people do stand up for the National Anthem.
- The stadium may not be empty before the game ends - it just looks like it because of the ones who have gone under the bleachers to "warm up".
x:D
TnHr and HRinNH, you know nothing of football until you have attended 14 games in the SEC in one season, one of them being LSU, the loudest, most raucous, most assaultive stadium in the nation (they claim), regardless of capacity, all of them loud and unbelievable.
In deference to the original post, I've attended college football games from one side of this nation to the other and it is very true that outside the original Southern states (and we need not argue about that) you find many, many students and adults as well who talk through the national anthem, some slinging beer cans or doing fraternity chants, some never considering removing their hats. We're talking about reality and fact here, not what a forumite might do. I can only speak from personal experience. Once you get outside the SEC, you do in fact find a larger element of people in the stands who do not show respect for the American flag or the national anthem. It's just a fact. I speak only from experience and have no axe to grind about this subject.
PBeagle, I remember several years ago, two in a row when Mississippi State played its opening games against the O-Ducks. The first of those two I laughed and thought, ha, Ducks? Who the hell are the Ducks? The second year I thought, Oh hell, those guys beat us like a drum last year, why would we schedule them again? Then they beat us again!
I never mix my first drink during the star spangled banner. Patriotic also includes taking only Rebel Yell into the game hidden in your sock.
Disclaimer: This message is not intended to offend or attack. It is posted as personal opinion. If you find yourself offended or uncomfortable, email me and let me know why.
Apparently you have never attended a game in the big 8 now the big 12.
>row when Mississippi State played its opening
>games against the O-Ducks. The first of those
>two I laughed and thought, ha, Ducks? Who the
>hell are the Ducks? The second year I thought,
>Oh hell, those guys beat us like a drum last
>year, why would we schedule them again? Then
>they beat us again!
Actually, Don, it might be fun to see that matchup again (as I thorouhly enjoyed watching the first two you refer to). We're not as strong as we were then since we lost Joey Harrington to the Detroit Lions. We're in rebuilding mode now. x:-)
We Packer fans like to think we're pretty dedicated, too, though. Are there other teams who have 60,000 fans on a waiting list to buy season tickets? Fill the stands through 20 or 25 year droughts?
Thanks in no small part to a southern boy, we've had a pretty good run lately. We appreciate it.
GO BLUE!!
Crown is Crown Royal Bourbon.
Disclaimer: This message is not intended to offend or attack. It is posted as personal opinion. If you find yourself offended or uncomfortable, email me and let me know why.
For anyone who hasn't heard this tale, it's a true story. x:o
edit: Apologies to Hunter for the inadvertent plagiarism -- I didn't see his post, above, about the murdering cheerleader mom before I posted this.