BBQ: A Real Man's Cooking

Pixie · June 2005

It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man
volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into
motion:
1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along
with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man
who is lounging beside the grill -- beer in hand.

Here comes the important part ...

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He
! thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with
the situation.

Important again ..

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE
WOMAN.

More routine.....

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces, and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most of all ....

10) Everyone PRAISES the man and THANKS him for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."
And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no
pleasing some women!

safety · June 2005

Sounds like you have a twisted sense of what a real man can do. Last night while my SO took a nap I watered the garden, picked weeks, started the grill, marinated pork chops, cooked them, fixed side dishes of green beans and prepared a salad for both of us, all the while getting my own beer. After I completed the cooking project I emptied the dishwasher and woke my SO up to tell her supper was ready. When we were done eating I cleaned off the table and put everything away including the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, again, getting my own beer.

SMace · June 2005

Wow! That sounds like a recipe for nookie.

LeslieC · June 2005

Marry me.

ray a · June 2005

Pixie, I don't understand why the woman would be annoyed. Your story seems perfectly logical to me.

HRinNH · June 2005

Day dreaming again Gentlemen? Better wake up before you fall off your chair/sofa and hurt yourselves.

(Safety: xclap )

LivindonSouth · June 2005

I agree with Safety. I thought every guy did it this way. He left out only a few things:

When she comes home from work and changes into whatever she gets comfortable in, make her sit in your recliner and (you) prop her feet up. Run hot water over two wash cloths in the bathroom sink. Pull off her socks or shoes and wrap a steamy wash cloth around each foot, pressing it deeply into the bottom and between each toe. Don't forgot to put her socks back on for her.

Bring HER a beer, or a glass of tea or a Bloody Mary.

Hand HER the remote.

For SMace: Nookie doesn't always have to be the goal. It's best when it's the unintended special consequence, when the goals were the foot rub and the meal and cleaning up.

Whoever wrote what Pixie posted is either uninformed, mistreated, young and inexperienced, a comedienne or a lesbian.

x:-)

ray a · June 2005

Livindon, is that before or after you give her the results of your latest white glove inspection auditing her house cleaning skills?

Pixie · June 2005

LivindonSouth, I have no idea who wrote it. My husbands niece sent it to me. She lived with my husband and me for several months after she moved back to States from Canada after 20 years. She said that it reminded her of me and her Uncle.

I showed it to my husband, his response was "Honey, that's exactly right".

HRLASS · June 2005

Thanks for your efforts in honor of my gender, however, Pixie's scenario has been presented to me by multiple suitors as a legitimate and realistic expectation for wedded bliss, which is why I'm still single!

ritaanz · June 2005

Pix, you forgot the most important "routine". Woman lugs propane tank to station to be filled.

LivindonSouth · June 2005

At the conclusion of a long evening of the husband's labor of love, the wife, at dusk, goes into back yard to pick up beer cans and dispose of them as man kicks back in recliner. Not.

System · June 2005

Safety and LivindonSouth, get together and publish instructions that go with every grill sold. This looks like one of those 'printer friendly' threads that my husband should find laying on the kitchen counter.

ritaanz · June 2005

Great Idea Sam, I'll even buy the cook a Weber!

ray a · June 2005

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 06-15-05 AT 04:32PM (CST)[/font][br][br].

ritaanz · June 2005

The word, my dear man, is smart. Gullible describes a naive, easily fooled creature.

ray a · June 2005

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 06-15-05 AT 04:31PM (CST)[/font][br][br].

System · June 2005

Well, Raymond. Let's hear about your cookouts . . . hmmmm? ;;)

LivindonSouth · June 2005

Raymond; is your dilemma that 'we' believe what we said, or that 'they' believe what we said or that 'you' believe what we said? I cannot tell by reading your last post. I understand that a person with a chain as short as yours could not reasonably be expected to think that way. But, I can offer you no help. It is too late in life to reverse your behavior. I didn't post anything untrue and doubt that Safety did. x:-)

ray a · June 2005

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 06-15-05 AT 04:33PM (CST)[/font][br][br].

safety · June 2005

I’ll have you know that not only was my post a true and correct copy of my actions I will now tell you about my adventures this past Monday evening. While my SO was on a shopping spree I fired up the grill, marinated some select rib eye steaks and cooked them to perfection. As the meat was on the grill I boiled water and began cooking corn on the cob and heated up some ranch beans with jalapeno peppers added. I nuked some Idaho potatoes, then set the table and had everything prepared upon her return, all the while getting my own beer. I also emptied the trash can, started water on the garden, bussed the table when finished eating and brought her a beer. Any Forumite traveling in the western Kansas area can stop on over and I'll treat you to the best corn fed beef in the world! BTW, I grill at least once a week 52 weeks a year.

System · June 2005

I love mapquest.

HRinNH · June 2005

I've heard about men like Safety's self portrait in story books I've read; but I didn't really think they existed. ;;)

Hey Sam...road trip?

Parabeagle · June 2005

You don't really BUY that self-portrait he's concocted, do you? x;-)

My situation's much easier. When you don't have a yard, you don't have to barbecue. x;-)

safety · June 2005

No yard, how about a balcony. And I say again it is a true representation, no fluff, no frill, just the facts man. If you havn't figured it out yet I'll let you in on the secret, grilling gives me a great excuse to be outside and drink beer of course.

Parabeagle · June 2005

Unfortunately in my old converted apt. building there are no balconies. But I can sit on the fire escape and drink beer - that's close, isn't it? x;-)

HRinNH · June 2005

Beagle, it IS hard to believe, that's why I think Sam and I should go investigate. xB-)

Hey Safety, your S.O. wouldn't mind two East Coast Ladies coming by for dinner, would she?

We'll bring dessert.

Parabeagle · June 2005

I smell trouble, Safety. x;-) Sam doesn't just "come by." First she gets lost and drives around in circles for awhile, then eats dinner

safety · June 2005

Sam has the map.

System · June 2005

Those maps don't include construction that may take you out on some diverse path that doesn't route you back to the right highway. Not my fault! Driving in circles can make you late and hungry.

Parabeagle · June 2005

But if you keep your eyes peeled, you might pass some shoe stores which would make getting lost worth it, right, Sam? x;-)

BBQ: A Real Man's Cooking

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