Hurricane Info

flaroyale · September 2004

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now,you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some
radar blob out in the Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points.

1) There is no need to panic.

2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one."

Based on our insurance industry experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.

STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.

SO,

We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.
Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and

(2) It is located in Wisconsin

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies
would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual
premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.

SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows,and doors, There are several types of shutters, with advantages and
disadvantages:

Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap.

Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that
these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc... You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out.(To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area).

The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a
gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.

In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies: 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights. Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!) A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth. Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean. Good luck, and remember:

Its great living in Paradise.

ScorpioHR · September 2004

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Its great living in Paradise.

This was fall on the floor funny! And yes, I covered the "in diamonds and cash" for Charley-Now I am toting it all around waiting! Looks like we may be spared a little bit of Ivan. As for the insurance adjustors, I have spoken to mine several times a day since Charley...We are old friends. He assures me in a lovely, soft spoken southern drawl that "THEY" have not forgotten me or my palm tree's and will be out ANY DAY Now :-)!!! I'm not holding my breath! Thanks for the giggles.x:D

flaroyale · September 2004

I got lucky during Charlie, and only lost a few pool screens. I have a son and daughter who live in the Pan Handle who I have to worry about now. I will certainly be glad when November gets here this year.

mrbill · September 2004

There was an official looking poster out about 20 years ago that I will change to read:
What to do in the event of a Hurricane
1. Place your furniture against the windows.
2. Store all glass items.
3. Turn off all electrical devices.
4. Position a chair in the middle of an interior room.
5. While sitting in the chair, lower your head to between your knees.
6. Kiss your Ass Goodby.

Good Luck to all on the Gulf Coast.

rad · September 2004

I remember the whole window taping thing when Hurricane Gloria hit Mass when I was a kid. The big question was - who is going to tape the windows on the John Hancock Tower? For those of you who are not familiar, the whole building is sheet plate glass windows that, when first built, were notorious for just -oops!- falling out into the street.

Nicole · September 2004

This was "slap your Momma" funny!

I did the flashlight thing with Charely and am still looking for a flashlight that takes "C" batteries. A LOT of C batteries!

Thanks for the laughs.

Prayers are going out to those now in Ivan's path. It's going to be a rough ride.

rad · September 2004

We do not get hurricanes very often up here so when we do it is a real big deal. The last one we had was over ten years ago, hurricane Bob. I was standing at the back window with my mother and we watched as the wind uprooted and knocked over a very large tree in the backyard. It took out our swing set, the fence next door and the fence and grape trellis two doors over. Scary, but no one was hurt. :-S A few minutes later, we BARELY hear a knock at the front door. This is during the height of the storm now. My mother answers the door, and the wife of the house where the trellis is crushed says to my mother "my busband sent me over. your tree is in our yard". x:o My mother got over her initial shock and said "and what the %$@# would he like me to do about it right now?" We could not believe he sent her out during a hurricane to tell her the obvious, as if we could have missed a huge tree crashing down. 8-|

safety · September 2004

Sounds like the husband was attempting an 'insurance' job on the wife. $$$

rad · September 2004

He probably was, he was furious that his insurance had to pay for the removal of the part of the tree on his property!

HRCalico · September 2004

Our doors are open to refugees - I mean evacuees – but be warned we’ve had 40-50 MPH winds for several days. Looking forward to a drop off tomorrow, with some rain, since I have corn and wheat and cows on my “retirement plan” (no 401ks for us farm folk!) that is too darn dry.

I have decided to supplement my PT HR job and FT farm wife job by selling windows. Special price for customers with forum IDs.

Hurricane Info

Comments