English lesson
Dan
63 Posts
Hey, since we're now living in the time of e-mail and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Comments
Oh well, we take so many liberties with the language and create so many unusual usages. What about flammable and inflammable, means the same thing - why?
I chopped the ice with the axe up and also threw the cows over the fence a bale of hay yesterday.
My other pet peeve is 'STASTISTICS'.
My all time language pet peeve is when someone says "between you and I..."
Don-for the record, we New Yorkers may pick on each other, but we stick together when an outsider intrudes.
>neither Jimmy Carter nor George Bush can
>pronounce the simple word NUCLEAR. Both say
>NUKE-ULER.
George Bush is from Texas.
Jimmy Carter is from Georgia.
Need I say more? x;-)
(DISCLAIMER: This posting void where prohibited by law. No offense toward those born in or residing south of the 45th parallel, or east of the Rocky Mountains, is intended, nor should any be inferred).
It's correct now because a lot of people say it that way. Well, a lot of people are stupid, should we adopt all of their standards?
And is "preventative" a word? Seems like "preventive" does the job just fine.
Let's see how all the Forumaniacs feel about this one... According to the dictionary, the word "yay" doesn't exist. Apparently "yeah" is pronounced "yay". To me, "yeah" is pronounced exactly like it is spelled, rhymes with plaid, but without the d. Unless you pronounce plaid as "played". Then I just don't know what to say about that.
I refuse to stop spelling yay as y-a-y simply because the dictionary is too dumb to spell it correctly.
Your thoughts?
I stopped correcting her a long time ago when she started giving me "the look" when I did correct her.
AAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I would NEVER dangle a preposition!
The Yalie looks disdainfully at him and says nothing.
The hayseed again says, "Can y'all tell me where the library's at?"
The Yalie looks down his nose at him and says, "Yale men never end a sentence with a preposition. Try asking again, Goober."
The hayseed thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, can y'all tell me where the library's at a****le?"
Cinderella
mcmel, that question is for you. The computer hates me today.