My boss is going to kill me!
Craig B
24 Posts
This is a long one so get ready!
I am in a difficult situation and need your help before I act. I have worked for my current boss for the past 5 years. Over time I have gained the respect and developed profesional friendships with most of the Directors and Executives in my company. My boss , HR Director, is not a social butterfly and despite being with the company for 10 years is not liked by many. My boss still feels that it is HR's respondsibility to be a strick old HR school hall monitor and is does not care about the true nature of the business. Anytime I mention a new idea or project she says that sounds great put it in writing then e-mail it to me. When I do that she never responds or says now is not a good time. This is causing me to loss my creative aggressiveness and become very bored with my work.
Another problem for me is she gets frustrated anytime I mention that one of the executives or Directors called me about a situation. She will make comments like "why are you talking to them they should be calling me" and I respond I do not know but they did not call you so I felt it would be OK if I handled the situation. She now wants be to pass all of these calls to her and CC her on every e-mail I send to a Director or Executive (in the past I would send her a re-cap of what happened). She has now outlined that I only handle employment and employee relations and if anyone calls even though I know the answer I need to pass it along to her or a benefits person. She has mentioned out of frustration to others that these males Executive must like me becasue I am male ie Good ole boys club. We have a support staff of about 6 , all females, individuals and they know my boss and I do not get along. They have mentioned to me that they hate working for her as well.
I have tried to talk with my boss about my frustration and she denies the activity or just does not care to listen. Should I go above her head? Should I just stop whinning and suck it up? Should I quit and take my talents elsewhere?
Help
I am in a difficult situation and need your help before I act. I have worked for my current boss for the past 5 years. Over time I have gained the respect and developed profesional friendships with most of the Directors and Executives in my company. My boss , HR Director, is not a social butterfly and despite being with the company for 10 years is not liked by many. My boss still feels that it is HR's respondsibility to be a strick old HR school hall monitor and is does not care about the true nature of the business. Anytime I mention a new idea or project she says that sounds great put it in writing then e-mail it to me. When I do that she never responds or says now is not a good time. This is causing me to loss my creative aggressiveness and become very bored with my work.
Another problem for me is she gets frustrated anytime I mention that one of the executives or Directors called me about a situation. She will make comments like "why are you talking to them they should be calling me" and I respond I do not know but they did not call you so I felt it would be OK if I handled the situation. She now wants be to pass all of these calls to her and CC her on every e-mail I send to a Director or Executive (in the past I would send her a re-cap of what happened). She has now outlined that I only handle employment and employee relations and if anyone calls even though I know the answer I need to pass it along to her or a benefits person. She has mentioned out of frustration to others that these males Executive must like me becasue I am male ie Good ole boys club. We have a support staff of about 6 , all females, individuals and they know my boss and I do not get along. They have mentioned to me that they hate working for her as well.
I have tried to talk with my boss about my frustration and she denies the activity or just does not care to listen. Should I go above her head? Should I just stop whinning and suck it up? Should I quit and take my talents elsewhere?
Help
Comments
Thanks
. .I try to not add fuel to the fire..keep her well informed and redirect those who are by passing her. I always try to say.."You will need to run that by Tom" or "Have you talked to Tom yet".
I would continue to try to talk to her. .it may not work for you, but I do confront, when applicable, to point out why others avoid..
I probably would not go above her head, but it depends on how hard you have tried to resolve the issue with her directly and what the climate is up there. I would also tell her I am going above her head, or better yet, request a conflict resolution meeting that includes her with the next level.
My decision as to whether to suck it up or move on (I am staying and sucking it up)was made based on some circumstances that you may want to think about.
AGE-I don't want to move again, I came here with the goal of retiring from here...too old xx( What do you think the goal is of your boss? Mine is due to retire within a couple years so I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. If I was younger and looking at this continuing for 10 years, I would be gone in a heartbeat.
CONTRIBUTION-I know I do contribute and make a difference.
If you do chose to suck it up, then you do have to not whine. Remain professional at all times and do not discuss your relationship with her with co-workers or other Directors.
Good luck. I really do feel for you!
I would not go above her head but if you do let her know first. Tell her that the level of frustration you are feeling is affecting your ability to effectevily contribute to the department. Then tell her youd like to sit down with her and her supervisor to discuss how you both can work together to make the department run smoothly.
But, again, and believe me I know, look for someplace else. When the forumites start saying that another job is the way to go BELIEVE THEM!
Can you relocate?
Cristina
So, cc her, make her happy. I suspect that she will eventually tire of receiving all the calls and you will be able to provide the assistance you have been.
To be honest, cc'ing her can actually work to your benefit, I had a complaint once and my boss reacted as if I singlehandedly caused the demise of the corporation and my response to her was that she WAS, in fact, aware of the situation because I had cc'd her on the e-mail. There was an awkward silence which confirmaed my suspicion that the whole cc thing was nothing more than a power trip, she never actually read anything I sent.
Going over her head could bite you down the road when it comes to references.
Sucking it up will only lead to continued unhappiness & maybe health issues.
I vote for taking your talents elsewhere. You've been there 5 years & have had the same boss during that time. You've developed a rapport among the other Directors & many in the office support you or at least share your same concerns about your boss. Yet, you are not the boss. You sound from your post to be ambitious, creative & outgoing - why hold yourself back? Go find that great job that will help you establish yourself as the Leader you want to be. Good luck! x:-)
You are a people person and your boss is not. Everyone likes you better. Could this be because you don't ever have to take the heat for unpopular decisions such as increases in health care, layoffs, terminations, suspensions, etc. As SMace implied, consider being in her position. As they say, "it's lonely at the top."
You would not be able to maintain friendly personal relationships with many of the staff if you were the HR Director. Definitely be supportive and give her what she's asking.
PS. Sonny, you are not old - you are a week and a half younger than me.
One thing I forgot to mention is she is 8 months pregnant and about to go out on leave so I will have a little breathing room. I will keep you posted on how everything turns out.
Also I am 28 and would love to retire soon but the odds are slim.
Thanks again
Craig
>Also I am 28 and would love to retire soon but
>the odds are slim.
>
I thought you sounded like you want to reach the finish line before you started from your first post. The comment above shows me that's true.
I'm going to play the devil's advocate just for perspective. Craig, this is not a personal attack, so please don't take it that way. You sound very intelligent and if you are as good a boss as you think you are you will not take this personally. You want advice and I'm going to be very blunt.
It sounds like you are micromanaging your boss. And she thinks you want to micromanage her out of a job, so she is wasting her time proving to others that she is capable in her position by doing things that don't benefit the company. Whether it is implied or it is very obvious you are tearing her down in front of others. It sounds like if you are not the boss, your boss should be absolutley perfect. It doesn't work that way. She's not perfect and neither are you. So if you are going to stay, cut her some slack and try to fill in where she needs help and point out where she is great. And when you fill in, point out the issues to her, not the BOD or her subordinates. I bet her vision will change when she see's your working for the good of the HR team and not yourself.
If you think I'm a crackpot, you will not be the first. But just some perspective from someone that has been in your position and your boss's position.
I guess the point of this is the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't have to be a train. So give the communication another try, if need be a sit down with the two of you and her direct report. If that doesn't work, then you've gotten some great advice above.
I'm going to agree with the anti-Don, MWild, whose comment appears above. There is no way you will work through this situation and remain there happily. The only solution is to locate something more tolerable. You are 28, want to retire soon, cannot relocate and cannot accept less money? Bull Cr*p! You are not fooling 200 of us. Are you fooling you?
I'm not "anti-Don". I think you just take it that way because you get ticked off at me all the time - especially when I disagree with you. I think you're swell & very smart (I've said it here as well as privately) - we just seem to disagree a bunch & I don't know how to not ruffle your feathers. However, ce'st la vie! x:-)
Picking up on one of the pieces of information you shared - your boss is 8 months pregnant - is this her first? There was an article posted on MSN today about a research project done on rats with and without children. Those with children were less likely to be reactive and more relaxed about things. They were more flexible and pragmatic as seemed to take into account the fact that they were also responsible for someone other than themselves.
Having a few children of my own and remembering the pre-parenting days (and now wonder how anyone could have stood working for me at that time) - would recommend taking another view of this in a few months once she's back from leave.
Good luck! Please let us know how it turns out.
You also stated your boss is 8 months pregnant -- my experience shows that in a month or so she will be out for 8-12 weeks which should give you some opportunity to see how her job is really done. It should also give you a "fresh start" should you decide to stay.
Good luck in your decision. I know it's tough.