Termination, Feeling Bad!

Here is the situation. We are terminating someone today and I have known this for a week. During this time he has come to my office to make small talk and every time I feel bad knowing what was coming. I do my best to hide my knowledge but I fear my body language or expressions might give it away. I know I'm not alone but I still feel bad. Do any of my fellow forumaniacs have good suggestions for relieving these feelings and stress?

Comments

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  • Scott, terminations are never fun, especially if you have a friendship with someone. It is my hope that this termination is for a reason - and you have to seperate yourself from work performance issues and friendship.

    I don't know of any good things to tell you about the bad feelings, other than I think good HR people feel bad when people are terminated. Try to let yourself know that if this person wasn't performing, it may be a wake up call to do better in the next job. Or, perhaps this wasn't a good job match and he/she will succeed in a better job match next time. Also, if you are in on the termination - try to end the working relationship with dignity. As an HR person, that is my foremost goal in terminations and I feel that helps me out.

    Then, go home this evening, have a beverage of your choice, have the SO rub your feet.
  • It is never easy..though some are easier than others. If you've known for a week about the termination,then, obviously there is good reason for the termination. Having said that, first be grateful that you have feelings. Second, if it's as nice by you as it is by me, go for a walk at lunch time. Finally, when you get home,have the comfort food of choice-alcohol, hot fudge sundae(my #1 choice), oreo cookies etc. And last, but not least, talk, talk, talk (just be careful who you talk to). But, expressing your emotions can be a wonderful elixir. I feel for you. We've all been there.
  • I'm just about to terminate a new ee still in their 90 day Introductory Period. In the 2 months they have been here, they have not worked a 40 hour week yet. I do not feel guilty. But, when I have to terminate ee's who have been here for awhile and have developed a relationship with, it tears me apart.

    No magic answer, but I do my best to avoid those individuals in the time leading up to their termination. It is almost impossible for me to put on a "game face" and act as if everything is fine knowing what I must do to them later in the week. Those are days I rarely leave my office and spend more time on the fora.
  • Scott: In my experience there are no good terminations. Even when someone has earned what is going to happen to them through their own behavior, it feels terrible to be the agent that ruins their life. That being said, it comes with the territory so all you can do is be as helpful and professional as you can while terminating, then go and be good to yourself. I have had to lay-off people who were my good friends - in that case I offered to prepare resumes on my own time. It made me feel better to be able to offer some concete assistance. I don't know your situation but it may help to offer some personal assistance to the individual.


  • Yep! Go home, get wildly drunk and kick your cat/dog, yell at your kids and tell your significant other they look fat & you never really loved them.

    Just kidding x;-)

    Terminations, especially if the employee is well liked - but just not performing well, are the toughest. For me, I usually review the personnel file & make sure that the poor performanace was documented as well as the coaching plan - just to reassure myself that we did everything we could before it came to termination. Then, after the termination meeting, I ususally throw myself into facts, figures type of work (exercising the part of the brain that deals analytically rather than emotionally). Finally, when I get home at night, I hug my kid, and then snuggle up on my couch and watch a really stupid, intelligence eating TV show like Paradise Hotel or Temptation Island.
  • Scott, I'm in the exact situation here on the west coast. All week I've been processing a term for a manager that has been with us for over 5 years and I know that this person is the sole breadwinner for their family of 4. It has been really hard for me to deal with, but this person is just doing things that we can not tolerate anymore. I've been squeezing my stress ball that I keep on my desk, all week like crazy. I'm going to have forearms like Popeye by the time I'm done with this whole thing. This same person keeps coming to my office to make small talk too and I just try to keep it as brief as possible. I have to wait until next week to actually do the term so this weekend I'm going to try and destress as much as possible and just relax in my pool. I hope it goes well for you. Good luck.
  • when I have had to term employees I find it helps to go by the pet store on the way home and watch them feed the mice to the snakes, just kidding
  • [font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 09-08-03 AT 12:17PM (CST)[/font][p]Its done! What I don't understand is how he didn't see this coming. The same issues have been addressed in his performance review every six months for the last two years. The issue has progressively gotten worse instead of better. He had been disappearing from the office for two to three hours at a time and all of his projects were way behind.

    I did want to say thanks for all the great advice.
  • Scott,

    I didn't get to the forum in time. But I hold the belief that no employee should be shocked by his/her departure. If the employee is startled by the decision, someone along the way hasn't done his/her job. Never appologize or talk too much. That gut-wrenching feeling never goes away, but you exhibit composure on the outside.

    I always hate issuing the news, of course, like everyone here on the Forum. The last term we had was a single male with two sons to support. He actually hugged me on his way out the door and said it was nice working with me.

    "Sam"
  • Sam,

    We actually met with this ee every two weeks for the last three months. He still kept leaving the building and returning a couple of hours later. He was told that if this didn't stop that we would have to terminate and I guess he didn't think we were serious. Thank so much for the support, its great to know we have each other if no one else.
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