Evaluation comments
Leslie
1,729 Posts
THESE USEFUL QUOTES ARE FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE
EVALUATIONS (or so my brother-in-law says):
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
"He's been working with glue too much."
"He would argue with a signpost."
"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
"One neuron short of a synapse."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
EVALUATIONS (or so my brother-in-law says):
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
"He's been working with glue too much."
"He would argue with a signpost."
"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
"One neuron short of a synapse."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
Comments
My response to him when he asked what was up . . . ? I love my job so much that sometimes I just get giddy and have to reflect on how lucky I am. It brings tears to my eyes and puts a smile on my face.
I think he bought it . . . at least he walked away . . . now onward, to the next forum topic, my addiction grows . . .
Dictionary Of Performance Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all
those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
Accepts new job assignments willingly--- Never finishes a job.
Active socially--- Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments--- An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic---
Finds someone else to do the job.
Average--- Not too bright.
Bridge builder--- Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach--- Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic--- No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent--- Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful--- Scared.
Consults with co-workers often--- Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often--- Pain in the behind.
Delegates responsibility effectively--- Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership--- Has a loud voice.
Deserves promotion--- Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement--- Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility--- Dodges and evades superiors well.
Doesn't suffer fools gladly--- Rude and abrasive.
Enjoys job--- Needs more to do.
Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations---
Ignores everyone.
Excels in the effective application of skills--- Makes a good cup of coffee.
Exceptionally well qualified--- Has committed no major blunders to date.
Expresses self well--- Can string two sentences together.
Gets along well with superiors and subordinates alike--- A coward.
Happy--- Paid too much.
Hard worker--- Usually does it the hard way.
Identifies major management problems--- Complains a lot.
Indifferent to instruction--- Knows more than superiors.
Internationally known---
Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas.
Is unusually loyal--- Wanted by no-one else.
Is well informed---
Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.
Inspires the cooperation of others--- Gets everyone else to do the work.
Judgement is usually sound--- Lucky.
A keen analyst--- Thoroughly confused.
Keen sense of humor--- Knows lots of dirty jokes.
Keeps informed on business issues---
Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.
Listens well--- Has no ideas of his own.
Maintains a high degree of participation--- Comes to work on time.
Maintains a professional attitude--- A snob.
Meticulous in attention to detail--- A nitpicker.
Mover and shaker---
Favors steamroller tactics without regard for other opinion.
Not a desk person--- Did not go to college.
Of great value to the organization--- Turns in work on time.
Quick thinking--- Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Requires work-value attitudional readjustment--- Lazy and hard-headed.
Should go far--- Please.
Slightly below average--- Stupid.
Spends extra hours on the job--- Miserable home life.
Stern disciplinarian--- A real jerk.
Straightforward--- Blunt and insensitive.
Strong adherence to principles--- Stubborn.
Tactful in dealing with superiors--- Knows when to keep mouth shut.
Takes advantage of every oppertunity to progress---
Buys drinks for superiors.
Takes pride in work--- Conceited.
Unlimited potential--- Will stick with us until retirement.
Uses all available resources--- Takes office supplies home for personal use.
Uses resources well--- Delagates everything.
Uses time effectively--- Clock watcher.
Very creative--- Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
Visionary---
Cannot handle paperwork or any project that lasts less than a week.
Well organized--- Does too much busywork.
Will go far--- Relative of management.
Willing to take calculated risks---
Doesn't mind spending someone else's money.
Zealous attitude--- Opinionated.
Thanks!