Advice on Sex Change
KathyHR
97 Posts
We have an employee who appears to be going through a sex change. He hasn't told any supervisors yet but has made some comments to a few co-workers for them to believe that he is. He has let his hair grow long & keeps it in a ponytail, has been wearing clothing that has been purchased at a women's store (although the clothing & shoes are gender neutral) and it appears that he is on hormones (he doesn't have to shave anymore). He is almost 22. The supervisor has previously been told that he is to be treated just like any other employee and when an employee comments (they have) to let them know that it's his perogative to dress how he wants, long hair is allowed (we have other men with ponytails) and they shouldn't gossip about it. I am concerned if he starts wearing dresses & we don't have a dress policy.
The supervisor just told me that "apparantly yesterday he was wearing a bra & some employees were talking about it behind his back." Our workforce is 95% women, average age 42. We are a non-profit public entity and he works with the public.
Any advice on how to handle it with him since he hasn't told us anything and future comments from his co-workers? :-?
Thanks, Kathy
The supervisor just told me that "apparantly yesterday he was wearing a bra & some employees were talking about it behind his back." Our workforce is 95% women, average age 42. We are a non-profit public entity and he works with the public.
Any advice on how to handle it with him since he hasn't told us anything and future comments from his co-workers? :-?
Thanks, Kathy
Comments
Now you ask, "When do you know when Dick becomes Jane?" I would ask he/she/it to inform me of when this takes place. Obviously this is preceded by probably more than one session with this individual asking for their help, perseverence, and cooperation in this transformation because of the unique nature of the situation.
In a class of mine at UC last year (Men's & Women's Issues, an elective) we had an almost transgendered male (not changing the equipment until he retires due to work) who said he used the women's restroom when dressed as a female & men's when dressed as a male (for work). He said he uses the restroom as a woman would & he's an attorney.
Anyway, as far as the issue at hand, and I'll try to stay serious here; for me, I'll draw the line at the "equipment change". That's when I would say that you use the other restroom. Since there is no "blueprint" to follow here, that's the way I would choose to handle it. Christ, I've been walking around here with green toenails and the ladies STILL won't let me use their restroom. (I couldn't resist.)
As an aside, the stick characters appearing on airport (and other) restrooms indicate what appears to be a body in slacks, presumably a man, but not necessarily so. And, on another door is what might be presumed to be a human in a dress, which might imply a woman. But, If I have on a dress and go into the door with a sign of a human in a dress, would I not be doing what the sign instructed? And who could fault me or charge me?
I hope that G3 will post as soon as the 10th Circuit gets ahold of this.
We are a private non-profit with 66 EEs, 60 of them are women already. None as the result of a sex-change as far as I know. While we do have some gay women working here, I am not aware of any who are contemplating this type of change.
The guys all appear to be firmly hetero so I also don't expect to have to deal with this issue from that side of the gender bender fence.
I am going to hope to not have to take the advice you have been given here.
All of that said, it is my belief that you must start with clear communication regarding expectations. Does your EE have some sort of schedule when these challenges will be presented to your workplace? If so, what is the schedule, and what are his expectations about the company's support or the company's expectations about getting his/her work done?
At the end of the day, you are paying for a job to be done. Yes, laws protect the EE and you will abide - as long as you can figure out what they are, and I would suggest this EE has a vested interest in keeping her/himself and the ocmpany informed.
Re the age quotient - I was first exposed to this phenomen when I was told that one of the girls on my floor my freshman year in college was a man by junior year - and she wasn't a middle-aged student but in the 20yr-old range.
Re training - go for it.
If I may, since I have some personal (not HR) knowledge of a similar situation, I would like to address this post from that experience. Take what you want, and leave the rest! th-up
A good friend of mine had a son, who became a daughter. Quite frankly, it was a long and painful process for both of them. What I learned from the son/daughter was that EVERY decision, things we all take for granted, became a huge challenge. The dressing issue revolved over time as Ashley (new name) began to dress slowly as a female. The drugs caused obvious changes, there were other changes NOT so obvious to others. When Ashley completed her change, she began to use the women's restroom. Since she worked for a state organization, the scramble was on to accomodate her and the end result of that was they decided her job requirements were being fulfilled and she did not lose her job. She was treated as female. It became very awkward for her so she left and found a job where no one knew her as a man. Just as "Ashley"
While it is very difficult for many of us to understand/fathom, this kind of choice, the fact remains that people everywhere, make it every day. Also, if we were all the same life would be very dull. The last time I checked, the "Human" in Human Resources" stood for..... HUMAN!
I would suggest you speak "humanly" to your ee, believe it or not, this person is feeling as awkward as everyone around them and will welcome your understanding and desire to accomodate him/her. And, your karma will recieve a huge positive deposit!!!
jmho
Scorpio
About 3-4 months ago, the employee requested a meeting with his mgr, supv, our nurse, HR and Legal and we sat down with the employee and discussed his needs going forward. We discussed name change, bathroom issues, disclosure, and other issues. You need to be cognizant of the privacy issues and not disclosing info to others without the employees permission. In our situation, the employee indicated he would answer questions posed by his peers at his "introduction meeting....everyone, this is Jane."
During the phase when the employee is portraying herself as a woman, it is important in the psychological aspect of this period to be totally in the woman's role, thus the employee is dressing as a woman, called a woman's name, and uses a women's restroom.
There are too many nuances of this transformation to discuss in a post, but Marc and HRinFL, as well as others have posted good information to help you get through this. If you have an EAP program in place, give them a call. We found that the employee's transformation doctor (with employee's permission, of course) was informative and willing to assist in dealing with the changes.
All of this is speculation and gossip. Keep that in mind.