Sexual Orientation

We have an openly bisexual male on our employee roster. A couple of his co-workers are offended by his lifestyle. Tolerance is not an option with those 2. Does anyone have any advice as to how the manager of these 2 employees should address/counsel their attitude towards this bisexual male? They have gone to the manager expressing their disdain for that employee.

Comments

  • 18 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Your company probably has a policy against harassment. It sounds like these employees are violating it.

    They need to be told in no uncertain terms that the company will not tolerate their behavior.

    Good Luck!
  • Tolerance had better become an option real quick. They don't have to hang out with him, they just have to work with him - without harassing and discriminating comments. Do you have a disciplinary process for this type of behavior?
  • Either they tolerate it or work for someone else.
  • I'd tell these two that tolerance for their behavior is not an option for the company and give them a formal warning.
  • I concur...

    Tell these employees that they are 'creating a hostile work environment', and 'that it is the company's position to intervene and discipline when necessary'. I'd end with something like, 'further behavior of this nature will not be tolerated and will lead to further disciplinary action, up to and including termination.'

    You may also want to invest in literature or videos on this subject to educate employees. Have them sign a 'certificate of completion' form once they've viewed.

    Good Luck!
  • I would treat it exactly as I would a scenario where, for example, you had a heterosexual man or woman in the office who is openly loose, engages in multiple uncommitted relationships, dates a multitude of people and whose headboard is carved completely up with notches. And you have a couple of old biddies (men or women) in the building who 'object to that lifestyle' and act out and harass the employee and keep their noses out of joint. Treat it no differently. Admonish their behavior through counseling, written disciplinary action and perhaps leading to termination.

    I'm not reading through the lines, but, in your characterization of the man as 'openly bi-sexual' are you intimating that he is recruiting or perhaps making them uncomfortable by his conversation? If so, you may have another sort of harassment going on here.

  • >I'm not reading through the lines, but, in your characterization of
    >the man as 'openly bi-sexual' are you intimating that he is recruiting
    >or perhaps making them uncomfortable by his conversation? If so, you
    >may have another sort of harassment going on here.

    I don't know any openly gay people who "recruit" - it isn't a cult. But I have know a few who seem to find it funny to be "characteristically" gay - which can make anyone uncomfortable. (including other gay people) I'd be telling that employee to knock it off because it could easily escalate into harrassment. But make sure you are taking all employees to task for overtly sexual comments or behavior.


    I think the way to go if it's just the fact that he "is" - is to tell your "offended" employees that they just need to deal with it or find other work with people they don't find offensive - because you can't make your bisexual employee not be bisexual - and he's not breaking in laws by being so. They can however, break one by constantly trying to complain about it.


    Tammy Colson
  • Well ladies and gentlemen, the plot thickens.
    Our company's harassment and discrimination policy was distributed to the entire group of folks where the bisexual male works. Afterwards, I'm told that this gentleman is mocking the policies. How? On no fewer than 5 occassions this past Friday, when something was said or done he shouts out "that's sexual harassment", "that's discrimination", etc. I also discovered by talking with a some of his peers that he has an "in your face" attitude. He participates in drag pageants and has brought pictures, outfits, makeup, etc. into the work place for all to see. His peers feels that he is flauntly and imposing his lifestyle on them. He has around his cubicle posters of men in drag, he has the gay rights symbol as his screen saver (obviously downloaded from an outside source which is violation of our e-mail standards policy), and he openly talks about his friends who are drug dealers and known felons. He has anti-discrimination documents on the walls of his cubible as well. I was told that very recently he was given a verbal reprimand for using excessive vulgar language in the workplace. He took the telephone handset of the person who complained and put it down his pants and rubbed it against his genitals. No one did anything about it. He uses the f_g work constantly to talk about and refer to himself and others.
    Here I am viewing this person as a victim and he's the one recking havoc. The clincher in this whole thing is that no one is saying anything about it. It's so ironic because he's the one who is making the contact with me (this is the 2nd time this year)not the others who are uncomfortable in the workplace. So now what do you do with all of this? Now all anyone can tell me is that because he's gay, they fear a lawsuit.
  • [font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 06-02-03 AT 12:16PM (CST)[/font][p]Well, that is definitely a different story -- I would say Don's advice is right on the money (meaning look at all concerned before making a decision). And, as long as you conduct a fair and thorough investigation, document your findings, and discipline the offending party(ies) appropriately (up to and including termination), you should have little to fear from an attorney or agency. When in doubt, you can always consult an employment attorney.
  • Mistytee: The behavior he is exhibiting towards others should not be tolerated. He may be gay, bi-sexual, etc., but if his behavior in flaunting his gayness, bisexualness, etc. offends, then the employee should tell him straight out...."I really am not interested in your pictures or your lifestyle." If the person still persists in shoving pictures in others' faces, then he should be taken to task over this. The same with any behavior of this type. If you don't want to be bothered with pictures of children, dogs, cats, whatever, just tell the person you are not interested.

    The other behavior, the vulgar language and the obscene gestures ...he should be disciplined for this. This goes above what should be reasonably tolerated in the workplace.

    People can sue you for anything they want to.... I have two sitting on my desk right now...one from a person whose job was eliminated is suing under ADA because we let her go because she was disabled and no one has any knowledge whatsoever of her being disabled. A business decision was made to have a private company do billing instead of having an individual do it. She was offered any other available position that we had and she choose instead of file for welfare and unemployment.

    The other is from a guy who wanted us to guarantee he could leave everyday by 4:30 in the afternoon because his daycare would not keep his child after 5PM. He says we discriminated against him because he is male and he is black.

    Go figure!!!
  • If he is using vulgar language or violating dress code policies you will want to address those issues. You should avoid addressing his sexual orientation all together, that is not the issue. It is the violation of policies on both sides that seems to be the issue.

    Now this is were you get into a sticky situation. Was he sharing the vulgar information because those he was talking to were also sharing vulgar information and have other employees downloaded screen savers from the internet that you have allowed? These are all issues you need to look at when investgating the situation. If other employees were allowed to violate these same policies and nothing was done, he may have a case for discrimination. So think about it before taking action.
  • You deal with the behavior, not who feels which way. The behavior of the bi-sexual person is probably harassment all by itself, so you should deal with that, not to mention openly flaunting the policies that you already have in place. Never let the fear of lawsuits keep you from doing what you need to do - if you have the policies and documentation of the behavior do what you need to do, no matter who the party is. If you operate from fear that that you will get a lawsuit from the person, eventually you will get a lawsuit from the others because they view the behavior as harassment.
  • Don't you have the statements of the two who started this thread to begin with? Or were they just being general (we don't like bi-sexuals, rather than this guy is harassing us!)?

    He can be whatever he wants to be, without harassing and discriminating behavior. Follow your policy and do it quickly.
  • Ok just wanted to know how someone who is bisexual find it funny to be "characteristically gay"?

    Also Mistytee this is just my little say but it sounds to me like this openly bisexual person is doing nothing more than what men and women who have children do on a daily basis. He is sharing his life. Now if the people he is sharing is life with don't want to see those pictures, then they should tell him that. I don't think HR needs to get involved with that. Doesn't sound like he is flaunting anything except for life. So what if it is pictures of people in drag, I've seen some baby pictures where the children look like little gremlin, are you suggesting that I go to HR and tell them that those pictures offend me. Wait a minute I am HR and so I guess I'll be looking at little gremlins for the rest of my life. Also it sounds like this guy or excuse me bi-sexual male as he is refer to originally is being insurbordinate then yes he deserves to be disciplined. But I can bet you he is now acting up because he has been harrassed and now he is being the harrasser. And you stated he has around his cubicle pictures of men in drag, again this is his life, no different from the family pictures of the gremlin children that I see all the time. It's life, people have to deal with it or don't come by to see them. And yes I bet although you don't think he is the victim, he is!

    Now as for the other stuff, the handset, vulgar language he should have been written up for that. The handset in the pants should have given him a little more than at written reprimand, I think some days home without pay or something like that. That was a bit much.

    I agree with the others that said deal with the behavior not characteristics!

    Just my little say!

  • When I said "characteristically gay" - I was refering to the over-the-top behavior, some of which this gentleman seems to be exhibiting (the stuff that, years ago, we referred to as "flaming") I have several friends who think it hilarious to project a stereotypical image for the horrification of folks who are easily offended (Think Nathan Lane in The Birdcage) I don't defend the behavior, and am rather embarrassed by them regularly.

    Don D you did not offend me - I just wanted to mention the phrasing you used - I thought it to be a poor choice of words. But then my choice of words wasn't exactly dead on in my post either. x:-8

    Tammy
  • I didn't mean to offend the lady by referring to the practice of picking someone up as 'recruiting'. It was a lapse in judgement. I should have called it what it is - trolling. Whether one is homosexual (I find the word gay misplaced) or heterosexual, the practice of openly seeking liasons or indiscriminate encounters is trolling. But, that wasn't the point unless one tried to make it so.
  • Fire all three employees. They all have been participating in harassment, despite policies to the contrary. You will be surprised how few of tyhese problems you will have in the future after that solution becomes well known.
  • There are many people who still think that sexual orientation is a choice or who use their religious beliefs as the basis for disliking someone and would have no problem filing a complaint even though no harassment has occured. At my last job we had an employee file a complaint against another employee. During the course of our investigation she admitted that she had found out that her coworker was a homosexual because they mention they had a partner. She felt offended because her religious beliefs say that this is wrong and she decided to file a complaint.


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