Callous/Insensitive Comments (RE: War)

KathyA · March 2003

We have a director who walks around the office stating insensitive comments about the approaching war (i.e., be careful going to large gatherings, a bomb might hit and blow everybody up; making jokes; laughing, etc.). We have employees in our building who are DIRECTLY affected by the comments with loved ones being called into duty, and of course this is no laughing matter to them (or most of us for that matter). Any comments/suggestions on how to handle this? Thanks.

Theresa Gegen TX · March 2003

I think you need someone higher up to sit down and talk to this director to let him know that his behavior is not acceptable.

He will not get the message from an HR person, who is not at a higher level. I doubt he will take it seriously unless he knows it is coming froma higher level.

If there is a VP of HR, they could do it. Otherwise, HR should have this director's boss do it.

Good Luck!

jimlegal · March 2003

Agree with Theresa, this guy really needs to be talked to. The ripple effects of loss work production, further depression of workers, etc. is incalculable!!! Hope your able to get this issue under control quickly.

Don D · March 2003

Kathy: I don't agree that it takes a 'higher up' to dress-down this insensitive boob. Any human with normal speech skills will do quite nicely, and I think, effectively. I don't suggest that you address him in an unkind or unprofessional manner. I do, though, suggest that you and any others subjected to him stand up and say what's on your mind. He needs to know that his remarks and chatter are negatively affecting other real people in the building. Just in case you need it, I have managed to assemble a tiny bit of, shall we say, GUSTO, from Leslie, Ritaanz, Rockie and Sonny (all female types), and am conveying it to you through this post to give you that little edge you need. Go for it and please report back. Diplomacy be damned! Where's his?

Sally · March 2003

I agree with Don. It should not have to be a higher up. Anyone offended by the comments can and should use his or her best "Miss Manners" response--a cold stare followed by asking why on earth he would make such an insensitive remark. And of course anyone with a family member serving in the military and about to be in harm's way would want to make that point very clear. Might as well make him squirm a little.

Don D · March 2003

One other thing.....as with the abusive guy who was about to stalk the woman in the office months ago that we talked about, this guy you talk about here is also getting off on making people uncomfortable. Having a 'higher up' confront him will just add to his pleasure, knowing that he is having the desired effect on the people in the office. And he'll hide it from the higher up, but continue it with the rest of you. Approach him in stages; first be polite and professional. If it doesn't work, go in a group of two and be a little more to the point. If it doesn't work, ask him, "Were you born an a..hole or do you work really hard at it?"

Leslie · March 2003

And then of course the whole office will be in an uproar and you'll soon have the peace keepers who disagree vs. the warriors who wonder why this didn't happen last October, vs. the folks with relatives deployed who can be on either side, just right now concerned because it puts their loved ones in jeapordy. All this over the idiot who wants to stir the pot by making inane comments - and probably doesn't have a clue. Does that about sum it up? Make him stop now.

ritaanz · March 2003

I have known quite a few macho men tremble when I give'em the LOOK and say, "Watch it!".

HRGirl · March 2003

I'm going to play devils advocate here. This guy is a real a-hole...but he does have freedom of speech and everyone is entitled to an opinion and he's voiced it. I'm sure you've heard what opinions are like. He is an incentive jerk and maybe he should be addressed by those that he has offended. No one likes confrontation, and when approached by these people, I'm sure he will feel like the heel he is and keep his offhanded remarks to himself.

Crout · March 2003

Jeez...and could it possibly be that the guy is just making a little joke and is not the disturbed jerk everyone is judging him to be? And could it also be that he also has family in the military and humor...albeit macabe humor...is HIS way of dealing with it?

System · March 2003

Who said "Free speach doesn't give a person the right too shout 'FIRE' in a crowded theatre."

I don't believe the right entitles people to antagonize the workforce during a volitile period. It doesn't sound like a protected, concerted activity. He's an insensitive rebel-rousing jerk.

If co-workers can't put him straight, someone with more clout should - immediately, regardless of his possible ego-trip and love for (even negative) attention.

Theresa Gegen TX · March 2003

a little known fact about free speech: it only applies if the Government is attempting to stop someone from speaking. Unless the employer is the government, the employee has absolutely no right of free speech at work!

Don D · March 2003

That's an interesting point. When I worked for the state, our attorney told me I could NOT restrict the passage into our office of an applicant who continually wore T-Shirts with F.Y. type messages. Maybe that was freedom of speech. Am I to understand that I could restrict that at our privately owned company, but could not if I were in a State (ergo Government) office, supported by DOL funds? Thanks Theresa. Don D.

cappyfire · March 2003

He has a right of free speech. However his comments have to be 'protected speech'. Lets look at this. He is not making any compelling statement toward a governmental policy. He is not expressing a concern that has the interst of citizens at the forefront. He is a supervisor that has a direct infuence on produtivity and has the authority to make others become a captive audience to his insensitivity. Under Va. Human Resource law this is not protected speech and could very well be actionable. He needs to be careful

Theresa Gegen TX · March 2003

I do not think that employees at a lower level than him who are offended should have to address him. HR obviously has gotten some complaints. Saying "handle it yourself" would not be responsible. Also, the employees may be afraid to confront a director.

Good Luck!

System · March 2003

Director is too high a level too be making jokes about something so serious. Suggest to him that it sounds like he has insider information and would he like to contact Homeland Security or should you.

Paul in Cannon Beach · March 2003

It seems hard to believe that this director just "became" a jerk when the war started.

I would suspect he has been boorish and insensitive before this. So why deal with it now if you have allowed it to go on until this point.

Assuming though, it has just recently started, and this guy is the least bit receptive and open to criticism, go to him and discuss the matter. Don't downplay it but don't jump all over him either.

If he's smart, he will appreciate the heads up.

Paul

Balloonman · March 2003

He is probably a phillies fan!
DJ The Balloonman

Trinity · March 2003

While I agree with some of my colleagues in that this supervisor's humor may be his way of dealing with a tense situation, and that you don't want to blow the whole thing out of porportion, I would feel offended if someone made light of serious matters that endanger my loved ones. While I have a sense of humor, I see this as a lack of sensitivity and agree that it should be the ones who are offended that should speak up, especially the ones with military loved ones, as they I think could offer the most to say. Maybe this guy is used to others just taking what he has to say, and doesn't see the harm, but believe me, the first few to tell him off should shake him up a little. If the comments persist, then bring in someone higher..