Sr. staff sends abusive e-mail

What would you do in this situation?
"Lily", a sr. staff member, responded by e-mail in a contentious way to what I would consider a fairly routine e-mail from "Elaine", a jr. staff member in another department (The original message was "I need this form from you to process your invoice; I have placed it in your mailbox, please provide correct form and return to me." . The gist of the response was "it's up to you to figure out how to get the right forms to me, and how dare you send me an e-mail that implies that I should drop what I'm doing and run and grab something you've placed in my maibox. You have no right to tell me how to do my work, etc.."
The background is that Lily is known to be difficult. We have all put up with her occasional rudeness because she brings in project work. Elaine's manager interceded once before and was shown the door, more or less, by Lily. I think she and Elaine are now feeling like a heavier hand is called for. They forwarded the e-mail to me and want me to intercede.
I am uncertain about how to proceed. On the one hand, I prefer that supervisors attempt to resolve first and then come to me. But in our heart of hearts we all know that Lily will not get the message from the supervisor, and I'm concerned that some visible step is now needed from HR. The person senior to Lily who has been fairly successful interceding when people get irate but has not caused any real turnaround in Lily's behavior, is out for a few weeks and won't be around to help.
How would you handle?

Comments

  • 14 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • This one is a little hard to evaluate not knowing the personalities. I would probably advise Elaine's supervisor to send a brief e-mail to Lily along the line of "Elaine was just asking for the proper form so that we can satisfy our fiscal responsibilities when we pay invoices. She wasn't telling you how to do your job nor asking anything that she wouldn't ask anyone else in similar circumstances. As soon as you send her the form we will process your invoice." I don't think HR should get involved in operations matters like this but thats just me.
  • [font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 09-25-02 AT 05:31PM (CST)[/font][p]I don't know if I'd send an e-mail back in response to Lily's e-mail. That form of communication rarely conveys the right tone when things are touchy already (been there, done that). What if Elaine or her supervisor simply stuck their head in Lily's office and said kindly and sincerely, "Lily, I'm sorry, my tone must have come across wrong in my e-mail about the form. I just needed you to fill out the form I put in your mailbox before I could fill your request. Sorry if I the message came across offensively - I certainly didn't mean for it to."

    When I've responded in this way to people (with Lily-type personalities) who misread my tone in e-mails, I've never had a lick of attitude from them again. What is that saying - a soft answer turneth away wrath? I think they also were surprised that I actually came to talk to them nicely face to face like a grownup with an apology, and they felt a little sheepish. They ended up apologizing back for taking the message the wrong way and things were smoothed out. It's easier to be grumpy back at someone in an e-mail, whereas face to face makes it a little harder. Of course, that doesn't really solve Lily's basic contentious personality, but it might be a way to smooth things over for now.

    Only a suggestion to consider ... you'll have to be the judge of whether it would be realistic considering the group dynamics in your case.
  • YadaYada's right on the money...kill her with kindness. This particular issue, in my opinion, is not one for HR; it's operations and about the environment that senior leadership is allowing either by not dealing with it because Lily is a producer or by not being aware. either way, Lily needs to be handled by her supervisor, not by HR unless her behavior violates company policy.
  • [font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 09-26-02 AT 08:35AM (CST)[/font][p]I agree with Yada Yada that emails are not the way to respond. The only problem I have with the response is that I wouldn't advise Elaine to say "I am sorry my tone must have come across that way". I would tell her to say, pleasantly and with a smile, totally nonconfrontational, "I am sorry you misunderstood the intent of my email. I would like to process your invoice for you as quickly as possible and this is what I need from you before I can do that." There is no need for Elaine to apologize for something she didn't do, insert a tone that no one else would read into it. All that does is reinforce Lily's behavior.

    PS I have a "Lily" who is really mean and senior management refuses to do anything about it. I guess they will when someone sues but, as much as I hate that, my conscience will be clear because I have warned them and have even discussed it with our lawyer. #-o
  • Thanks all, for your responses. it's so helpful to have a place to get some feedback on issues like this. Here's what I'm going to do:
    - have Elaine's supervisor respond to Lily in person (Elaine was so offended that she will not be effective). I think whoever said HR should not intercede at this point is absolutely right. However; I will also
    - speak with Lily's supervisor. this behavior has been underground for a long time now, and it is reaching a lot more people. I think it's time to go on record that this is a behavior that is at best unproductive and at worst intolerable. I'd bet dollars to donuts (what does that expression mean anyway?) that Lily's supervisor has had many closed door conversations with her about this sort of stuff, and if that's the case it's time to get it in the file in some way, and performance review time is around the corner.
    - have Elaine's supervisor inform Elaine of the results of her conversation with Lily (good or bad) so Elaine at least knows something has been done. also have her advise Elaine that if this behavior continues or escalates, we want to know about it, and that she always has the right to file a formal grievance at some point if she chooses.

  • I agree with all you say you are going to do. Although you are the one to assess this, I hope that you have the position of power, authority, respect and influence to effect what you hope to achieve. If so, go for it. As you know, we cannot change a jerk's behavior; but, through appropriate negative and positive feedback, we can certainly influence it. Hopefully Elaine will not keep her underclothing in a wad over this but will realize this incident's relative importance to all things in proper context. If she doesn't, her supervisor has a duty to make it clear to her.
  • On the slim chance that you really don't know: 'Dollars to Donuts', more appropriately "I'll bet you a dollar to a donut hole", means that I am so sure of my position and the weakness of yours that I'm willing to bet you something valuable, a dollar, and all you have to bet is a donut hole, something you won't mind losing. In other words, there's no chance I will lose this bet, but to convince you of the weakness of your position, look, I'll sweeten the pot for you.
  • I never heard it explained and thought it was "dollars to donuts", didn't know it was "dollars to donut holes". x:-8 Thanks
  • The responses here just show there is more than one way to skin a cat. Don, any thoughts on that one?

    [email]paulknoch@hotmail.com[/email]
  • Don,

    Thank you for once again enlightening all of us poor HR folks. As I was reading the "dollars to donuts" remark, I immediately thought of you, and knew that you would set us straight on its meaning. I sure have a lot of learning to do, and this board is the place to do it!
  • I would also look at implementing an email use and etiquette policy if you don't already have one. This site [url]http://www.emailreplies.com/[/url] has some good basic etiquette rules for email. Mich
  • Excellent suggestion, hadn't thought of that one. We've avoided a policy so far under the hope that we were all adult enough to handle e-mail communications without one. But the web site you point me too many offer me some info to help me make my point in this case at the very least.
  • How appropriate! As we batten down the hatches in my state to survive the insults of hurricane Lili, we have Lili, the executive from hell blowing out hurricane force insulting email messages.
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