Sr. staff sends abusive e-mail
Caroliso
352 Posts
What would you do in this situation?
"Lily", a sr. staff member, responded by e-mail in a contentious way to what I would consider a fairly routine e-mail from "Elaine", a jr. staff member in another department (The original message was "I need this form from you to process your invoice; I have placed it in your mailbox, please provide correct form and return to me." . The gist of the response was "it's up to you to figure out how to get the right forms to me, and how dare you send me an e-mail that implies that I should drop what I'm doing and run and grab something you've placed in my maibox. You have no right to tell me how to do my work, etc.."
The background is that Lily is known to be difficult. We have all put up with her occasional rudeness because she brings in project work. Elaine's manager interceded once before and was shown the door, more or less, by Lily. I think she and Elaine are now feeling like a heavier hand is called for. They forwarded the e-mail to me and want me to intercede.
I am uncertain about how to proceed. On the one hand, I prefer that supervisors attempt to resolve first and then come to me. But in our heart of hearts we all know that Lily will not get the message from the supervisor, and I'm concerned that some visible step is now needed from HR. The person senior to Lily who has been fairly successful interceding when people get irate but has not caused any real turnaround in Lily's behavior, is out for a few weeks and won't be around to help.
How would you handle?
"Lily", a sr. staff member, responded by e-mail in a contentious way to what I would consider a fairly routine e-mail from "Elaine", a jr. staff member in another department (The original message was "I need this form from you to process your invoice; I have placed it in your mailbox, please provide correct form and return to me." . The gist of the response was "it's up to you to figure out how to get the right forms to me, and how dare you send me an e-mail that implies that I should drop what I'm doing and run and grab something you've placed in my maibox. You have no right to tell me how to do my work, etc.."
The background is that Lily is known to be difficult. We have all put up with her occasional rudeness because she brings in project work. Elaine's manager interceded once before and was shown the door, more or less, by Lily. I think she and Elaine are now feeling like a heavier hand is called for. They forwarded the e-mail to me and want me to intercede.
I am uncertain about how to proceed. On the one hand, I prefer that supervisors attempt to resolve first and then come to me. But in our heart of hearts we all know that Lily will not get the message from the supervisor, and I'm concerned that some visible step is now needed from HR. The person senior to Lily who has been fairly successful interceding when people get irate but has not caused any real turnaround in Lily's behavior, is out for a few weeks and won't be around to help.
How would you handle?
Comments
When I've responded in this way to people (with Lily-type personalities) who misread my tone in e-mails, I've never had a lick of attitude from them again. What is that saying - a soft answer turneth away wrath? I think they also were surprised that I actually came to talk to them nicely face to face like a grownup with an apology, and they felt a little sheepish. They ended up apologizing back for taking the message the wrong way and things were smoothed out. It's easier to be grumpy back at someone in an e-mail, whereas face to face makes it a little harder. Of course, that doesn't really solve Lily's basic contentious personality, but it might be a way to smooth things over for now.
Only a suggestion to consider ... you'll have to be the judge of whether it would be realistic considering the group dynamics in your case.
PS I have a "Lily" who is really mean and senior management refuses to do anything about it. I guess they will when someone sues but, as much as I hate that, my conscience will be clear because I have warned them and have even discussed it with our lawyer. #-o
- have Elaine's supervisor respond to Lily in person (Elaine was so offended that she will not be effective). I think whoever said HR should not intercede at this point is absolutely right. However; I will also
- speak with Lily's supervisor. this behavior has been underground for a long time now, and it is reaching a lot more people. I think it's time to go on record that this is a behavior that is at best unproductive and at worst intolerable. I'd bet dollars to donuts (what does that expression mean anyway?) that Lily's supervisor has had many closed door conversations with her about this sort of stuff, and if that's the case it's time to get it in the file in some way, and performance review time is around the corner.
- have Elaine's supervisor inform Elaine of the results of her conversation with Lily (good or bad) so Elaine at least knows something has been done. also have her advise Elaine that if this behavior continues or escalates, we want to know about it, and that she always has the right to file a formal grievance at some point if she chooses.
[email]paulknoch@hotmail.com[/email]
Thank you for once again enlightening all of us poor HR folks. As I was reading the "dollars to donuts" remark, I immediately thought of you, and knew that you would set us straight on its meaning. I sure have a lot of learning to do, and this board is the place to do it!